Danny woke in a room that looked familiar but wasn’t his. It was dim, the only light through heavy orange drapes. There were three other beds, all metal, all empty except the opposite one near the window. There was a pale grey curtain pulled around that one. It was a hospital, but it was weird. As a boy he had once jammed his hand in his father’s boat winch. The pain had been shocking, the wait in emergency hours long. In the ward, the place had resounded with footsteps and conversation. Now he lay in silence and listened until his ears hurt. There was nothing outside his pulse and breathing, no external noise. The air felt still, as though it had sat unstirred for centuries. He moved, brushing something cool and plastic. It was a length
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited November 29, 2006).]
Posted by Jenn (Member # 7798) on :
re the above: I'm looking for anyone who might be interested in reading and/or critiquing any amount they choose (e.g. first chapter, whole book!!!). I know that's a big job but would love to read for someone else and do have publishing/editing experience. Here's the synopsis (longer than the 13 lines!): Accident victim Danny wakes in a dark hospital, where he meets a nurse who might be a serial killer and finds blood on the lift doors and windows smashed. His search for a phone runs him foul of werewolves out for blood. When the nurse intervenes Dany notices angel wings, but the angel is soon dispatched by wolves, and Danny’s on his own. Danny is a human in a dark, foreboding dystopia in which every kind of monster has carved its niche. There are gorgons dealing stolen booty and vampires maintaining illicit relations with changelings who donate blood to stay alive. There’s even a minotaur cop armed with silver bullets who is after a mysterious talisman, and a spiteful girl-lynx who’s not without her sexy side. But wherever Danny goes his human form makes him a target for the undead and deadly. When Danny escapes to his suburban home he finds his Dad a manticore and his mother a zombie. The only way he can get out is to fight his father, and in the process he learns that being powerful isn’t enough to keep you human. In fact, Danny has a few demonic traits of his own. Through his terrifying adventures Danny learns that humanity is about more than just being together, and the devil is a man in a suit who likes his TV violence real. Life is hard, but death doesn’t solve anything. And in the end, no matter whether this is hell or purgatory, the only thing that matters is how you live.
Posted by DangerIsMyMiddleName (Member # 4401) on :
Hey, I noticed your name in the Introduction Forum cuz I introduced myself right before you, I think. Your story idea sounds interesting, but I'm not sure if I would read on at this point. atThere's not much to go on here, yet. However, I'm also not sure if you utilized the full 13 lines? Anyways, the summary does sound interesting. Did he get some kind of operation and now he can see all these things that were going on before but he was oblivious to them before? Or was he in an accident? Or did he somehow end up in some alternate dimension? I'm wondering, so that's a good sign, but I have no idea why he didn't know any of this before, so that could be bad.
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
Summaries don't have to follow the 13 lines rule. You can describe your story plan/outline/idea all you want.
Posted by Jenn (Member # 7798) on :
Thanks for comments DangerIsMyMiddleName. (I saw yr intro too and felt like responding: Battlestar Gallactica is great. Hope that was you..??) I'll work more on the 13 lines, I guess. Bit more mystery, maybe. Thanks again for reading it.
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
You could send me chapter 1 if you like. I like the beginning.
Posted by Jenn (Member # 7798) on :
Hi wbriggs, thanks for the kind offer. I tried emailing it using the address listed on this website but it was returned. Maybe I didn't do something properly, but I tried twice. It got sent back twice... Feel like a cyberdope... Thanks Jenn