This is the intro paragraph to a short story in the making.
Calvin tapped his hand against the script, a romantic comedy set in Victorian England called, “The Fences.” It was nothing more than a Jane Austin rip-off photocopying the worst sections of, “Sense and Sensibility” and calling it a play. Still, auditions were being held in Manhattan next Friday, and Calvin was in no position to criticize a good opportunity to act again. A long-term gig, even on something like this off-Broadway, could mean a fresh start for Calvin. He could afford a big apartment in Greenwich Village, where the facet didn’t leak, the wallpaper wasn’t puke brown, and he would be in walking distance of the cheapest bars. Calvin looked out his window. The loathsome people he saw in Queens were perfectly fine being trashy scum. Their entire lives were nothing but
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited January 03, 2007).]
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
This isn't the easiest place to enter the story. Your character and setting seem to be established mostly in negative terms, we can say more about what they are not than about what they are. And you've introduced, and trashed, a fictional story with the same title as your story. This may be considered daring, but that's because it's genuinely difficult to avoid tarring your work with the same brush, readers will tend to conflate The Fences and "The Fences" when the first scene of one is a description of the other.
Posted by tchernabyelo (Member # 2651) on :
As Survivor says; you're basically telling us the background, not the story.
Start with the story, fill us in with the background as and when we need it.
And ye, be cautious of ever telling the reader something is trashy. They might agree...
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
Come on, put a little effort into it.
quote:And be ye ever fearful to say ill of the workmanship of thine own hands, lest thy adversary agree quickly
Posted by Hylas (Member # 3613) on :
The loathsome people he saw in Queens were perfectly fine being trashy scum.
This is an idea that needs to be communicated, but not so blatantly. Find a more subtle way of doing it.
