[This message has been edited by priscillabgoo (edited February 08, 2007).]
Posted by oliverhouse (Member # 3432) on :
I know this is a really stupid thing, but does she have to be named "Catherine"? I couldn't help hearing a "Stardate" between "Catherine's Blog" and the date.
Anyway, I'm going to be slow on actual critiques (vs. these knee-jerk one-offs I do here), but if you want to send it to me, please feel free. Do you have a timeframe for submission?
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
I'm pretty sure you could cut paragraph 1 to good effect. I *suspect* you can cut paragraph 2 as well. I think you're all framing device here, and I'm not finding a hook in the frame.
I forget. What's your story about? Start there, maybe.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
"Catherine's Blog"
I think that's not a bad thing at all. It would be sorta...subliminal for most readers.
On the other hand, I second wbriggs suggestion that you don't need the first paragraph at all and the second is kinda heavy handed. I do think that this is getting closer to something I would like to read. Keep us posted.
Posted by RMatthewWare (Member # 4831) on :
I like the idea of a paranormal research society dating back to the 1800's. But that's the only hook and nothing else grabs me. I think you've probably got a good story, I'd read the next few paragraphs, so maybe you should start there. If you're story is 5,000 words, you need to get to the point quicker.
