[This message has been edited by skadder (edited April 01, 2008).]
I was left with only the question of well where can this go from here?
If they partner up, I would be disapointed.
Cheers,
Pat
quote:
It's a great hook, well written. But I wouldn't read further...
I get what you mean, I think. Are you saying that you aren't hooked, although you sense a hook that may catch others?
I thought if something had a '...great hook' it would me mean the desire to read on had been created.
I'd read, if I had some assurance that it's not going to be a miserable story. (Just not ready for more misery right now.)
Pretty effective.
quote:
Are you saying that you aren't hooked, although you sense a hook that may catch others?
Yes. I don't like torture and I don't much care to read about it. But I imagine that in my dislike of violence I'm in a minority, so I think that others might find the hook tempting and read on.
I might, just might, read on if there were a hint in the first 13 that my expectations of torture won't be met. But I really wouldn't care to read through some awful scene to discover that, sorry. (I read past the first 13 of a story that truly revolted me a while ago, giving the author the benefit of the doubt, and really wished I hadn't. It quite spoiled my day.)
Cheers,
Pat
I wrote a story last year which had a brief sequence where someone was tortured (they had a finger snipped of with some secateurs...) but the audience reaction was that I had pretty much written a gore fest. I think though it was when I likened the sound of it to that crunch you get when snipping a rose stem which seemed to lodge the event in people's minds. Anyway needless to say I realized that it was pointless turning off 50% of readers--might as well right other stuff.
Interesting that the mere promise of torture is enough to put people off. Torture is in many stories but is often glossed over for precisely that reason.
[This message has been edited by skadder (edited April 02, 2008).]
Great hook, though. I want to keep reading to see what kind of world has a doctorate in torture.
I'd be happy to read when you finish.
quote:
Interesting that the mere promise of torture is enough to put people off.
I wasn't wild about it in Casino Royale but by the time we got to the torture scene I had developed enough interest in the story and sympathy for the characters to be okay with it.
The first 13 as it is now leaps straight into torture. (Well it doesn't, strictly, but I have a strong imagination.) Also, you mention that the story will take a comedic turn.
You might want to consider making the MC someone we sympathise with before getting to the torturing bit, and also foreshadow the comedic aspect, if you want to draw in us more sensitive souls.
Cheers,
Pat
Sam's background is psychological and physical torture - I know this because he tells me in the second sentance. The torturer tells you that the "torture" in this peice is going to be different from what Sam knows - "unusual." Now, I know my expectations of "torture" aren't going to be met. This is something different.
It's also a step to the side because of Sam's reaction - he's gone clinical.
I can see lots of places for this to go and all of them are taking the set up outside what I would expect from the first lines (ie kidnapping and "traditional" torture).
The curiosity about what happens next and the characters have hooked me. I'd read on.