I wrote this for the 2x2 flash contest but since then I've allowed it to grow to 1300 words. I'm interested in comments on the first 13 and if anyone would like to read the whole thing I'd appreciate comments on what works, what doesn't. It's a steam fantasy.
The Big Wheel's cars formed a skyward circle of white gazebos, their brass window frames gleaming. Festooned with wild climbing roses and ivy, the wheel dominated the Fun Fair. At its base was Car One--the Mayor's office. Inside, Mayor Ferris squinted at the phone as his caller said, "I seen a dragon, I tell you." "Martha," said Ferris, "Remember your plague of frogs? Then toads? Then frogs and toads?" "I gaze into a crystal ball. I'm expected to predict plagues. But the dragon were real. I saw it, circlin' above the Boiler House, somethin' in its jaws." "We're too far north for dragons, Martha." "Maybe this one didn't read the Operatin' Manuals." "It's dusk. A big bat perhaps?"
Cheers, Pat
Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :
It seemed interesting to me. I would read on. I like the contrast of something familiar and exciting coupled with a speculative element.
I would read for you, But I am swamped. If you can hold about about a week send it over. I can try to get it back sooner, but I can't promise.
Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :
I'd love to read this again and see where you've added the 300 words.
Posted by ArachneWeave (Member # 5469) on :
This looks fun, though it's a bit info-dense right here, esp. the beginning.
I'll read it! I'll e-mail you if you'd like me to read it (I guess I don't have my e-mail set to show).
Posted by TaleSpinner (Member # 5638) on :
Hi ArachneWeave, I'd appreciate your comments on the whole thing so yes, please do drop me an e-mail.
Cheers, Pat
Posted by WouldBe (Member # 5682) on :
I'd like to read it, TaleSpinner.
Posted by Merlion-Emrys (Member # 7912) on :
This is interesting, and definitely grabs one. I'd be interested in reading it if you'd like.
Posted by PaulUK (Member # 7906) on :
Hi TaleSpinner,
I like this intro, especially, "I saw it, circlin' above the Boiler House, somethin' in its jaws" -- that was the hook for me. I'm happy to offer a critique of the whole thing, if you'd like.
Regards,
Paul
Posted by TaleSpinner (Member # 5638) on :
Many thanks for the kind offers to read.
WouldBe, Merlion-Emrys, I've e-mailed it to you.
PaulUK, if you'd like to send me an e-mail I'll send it by return.
Cheers, Pat
Posted by PaulUK (Member # 7906) on :
Hi TaleSpinner,
I've sent you an e-mail and I look forward to reading the story
