Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Lovers of the Sea, 1800 Words

This is topic Lovers of the Sea, 1800 Words in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by AWSullivan (Member # 8059) on :

So I'm not really sure how to categorize this piece. It's definitely not sci-fi or fantasy. It has a paranormal element but I'm not sure what to call it.

It is the shortest piece of fiction I have ever written at 1800 words.

quote:
Samantha Hampton ran along the deck of the Queen Elizabeth II, tears in her eyes, zipping past rows of lounge chairs. At this late hour only a handful of people were out.
Near the bow of the ship, Samantha sat down on a bench and sobbed into her hands. I hate this boat, she thought. I hate this trip.
A noise startled her. She looked up to find a man standing beyond the barrier that kept her from approaching all the way to the bow. He wore blue jeans and a tight T-shirt and a Kangol style cap.
“You okay, lass?” he said with a thick Irish accent.
Samantha didn’t want to appear childish to the good looking sailor. “I’m fine, thank you.” She looked away and wiped her

I'd love thoughts on the first 13 as well as some readers.

~Anthony

[This message has been edited by AWSullivan (edited September 04, 2008).]

Posted by Devnal (Member # 6724) on :

not much wrong I can see here. I take it her hating the ship and hating the trip is the hook, along with the sailor. Might be a bit weak but I would read on.

Her thinking in ryhme through me off a bit, i'd suggest changing it, comes off kind of dr. suess-y

Posted by AWSullivan (Member # 8059) on :

Nice catch! I didn't see that it rhymed. I changed it in the first 13.

Thanks!

~Anthony

Posted by Nick T (Member # 8052) on :

Anthony,

Send it through if you're not in a hurry.

Nick

Posted by AWSullivan (Member # 8059) on :

Sent. Thanks for reading, Nick.

Anthony