This one's finished and ready for polishing, if anyone's interested. Quasar D'Arete and the Centauri Strangler is done too. Metamorpheism remains a work in progress, but it does have a middle and a conclusion and reads like a complete story.
I'm back on MySpace at http://www.myspace.com/infiniverse
I've got five poems in my blog and the first chapter of my novel, Demonmachy, is on there, too, if you want to check them out. Demonmachy's complete and ready for polishing, too, if anyone's interested. Thanks all. Best regards,
Brant
[This message has been edited by Brant Danay (edited September 15, 2008).]
[This message has been edited by Brant Danay (edited September 15, 2008).]
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited September 15, 2008).]
ohhh my last sentence sounds akward....
I never give this character a name, and I once got feedback stating that the repeated use of the term bounty hunter/messiah becomes annoying. So, if anyone would like to vote on whether he should be given a name or not, please let me know your opinion. He'll still be referred to as the bounty hunter/messiah on occasion, but I would use his real name most of the time to prevent irritation and redundancy.
Thanks for the advice. Best regards,
Brant
I'm not satisfied with the name Kali because she's a real-life mythological character (oxymorons, anyone?). I want to make her a creature of my own making and rename her. I'm leaning towards Nihilistika. Other names I've dreamt up are Tartarea and Abyssis, and I'm also mulling a composite name which would be half Kali and half something else. Abyssis was her original name, but I think it sounds too much like the words abyss and abysses, which are used throughout the story. Opinions from everyone would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.
Brant
[This message has been edited by Brant Danay (edited September 16, 2008).]
just because they are both a Messiah and a Bounty Hunter doesnt mean you can't call them by only one.
eg. someone who is a Policeman/Volunteer Firefighter. You can call them a Policeman or a Volunteer Firefighter. Is it more fruitful to the story to have it known he is a Policeman and has Firefigher knowledge? Call him a Policeman; or does the story revolve around him being a Firefighter but parts of his Policeman training are vital to the story? Call him a the Volunteer Firefighter.
just musing, I am assuming the fact that they are both a Messiah and a Bounty hunter are important for the story.
AnD - i like Nihilistika
[This message has been edited by Devnal (edited September 16, 2008).]
As for your 13 lines, I like your style. As for the syntax, it's a bit wordy for such a complex story. I would definitely work on simplifying your sentences. For instance your first sentence might sound better without the word, "more."
I would also give the bounty hunter/messiah a name, and let the reader know later on that he is a bounty hunter/messiah. I believe it is always in the writers best interest to keep his/her writing simple, so the reader can immerse him/herself into your story without trying to figure out what everything means.
One suggestion. Maybe tell your story solely from the bounty hunter/messiah's point of view, who may also have some connection to Kali that gives him the ability to understand what she is feeling.
Good luck.
[This message has been edited by Grijalva (edited September 16, 2008).]
Brant
[This message has been edited by Brant Danay (edited September 17, 2008).]
Abyssis inhaled the very cosmos through her Hellmouth, sucking more life, planets, stars, space, and time into her universe. She exhaled nothing but death, nullity, darkness, wormholes, and event horizons in return. Her breathing was as rhythmic as that of a yogi, and within the black hole of meditation which she was, she knew that the bounty hunter/messiah quested for her soul.
The bounty hunter/messiah could likewise feel the breath of Abyssis on the wind as he wandered the floating, spinning badlands of her Hellmouth. The Hellmouth was one of her upper abysses, and he thusly experienced her torment in his mind and throughout his nervous system.
Question for Grijalva (or anyone else with knowledge on this subject)-With regards to posting material on MySpace, would even one chapter of a novel be regarded as previously published? I'm not so concerned about the poems, but if I were ever fortunate enough to find a publisher for my novel I would hate for there to be any snafus. If anyone can help me with this, it would be appreciated.
Thanks everyone.
quote:
With regards to posting material on MySpace, would even one chapter of a novel be regarded as previously published?
Yes, as far as that chapter goes. I think your real question is would a publisher turn down your novel on the basis of a chapter having been previously published? Possibly, I don't know. It is a fragment--a large one, definitely--but still a fragment of a novel.
We publish fragments of short stories here, and that is considered acceptable. I am sure there is an acceptable percentage with regards novels.
Ideally you avoid doing it, though.
There are websites that are members only, like critters.org, where you can get whole novels or parts thereof reviewed by other aspiring pros. The work is not publicly available and so is not considered published. I would check it out if you want to get opinions on something long.