Sword and sorcery investigations. 2670 words Comments on the first 13 and readers requested. Thanks.
Smashed crockery crunched under Wendulu’s boots, none of the bits larger than his thumbnail. The whirlwind, whipped up from the completion of the summoning spell, pulled every bit of dust and debris from the pathetic corners of the room. All that remained from the vortex was a slight mound of rubbish deposited on the twisted rug. A small group of mages gathered around the wreckage and poked at it with the blunt ends of their staffs. Only Wendulu moved to investigate a greasy looking smear on the floor some distance from it.
Posted by Denem (Member # 8434) on :
I am a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to sword and sorcery so I liked this. A couple of comments I have: 'none of the bits larger than his thumbnail' can be cut. It adds nothing and 'staffs' should be the plural version 'staves'. I'd be happy to read the whole thing if you like. Denem.
Posted by Meredith (Member # 8368) on :
It sounds interesting. I'll read.
Posted by Owasm (Member # 8501) on :
I liked this beginning. It has everything needed to spur the reader on. One nit. I prefer pathetic rooms to pathetic corners. Every pathetic corner I've ever seen was in pathetic room.
I wouldn't mind reading it.
-Owasm
Posted by mommiller (Member # 3285) on :
Thanks!
I'm going to go back and tidy up some loose ends before sending it out. Shouldn't take me too long, then I'll packaged it for shipment. Everyone okay with MS word? I run it on an Apple.
[This message has been edited by mommiller (edited March 15, 2009).]
Posted by Cheyne (Member # 7710) on :
I like this beginning. Same nits as above.
Are you still looking for crits?
Posted by mommiller (Member # 3285) on :
Thanks, but I've got the crits I needed for the rough. I am currently hard at work on my WoTF story, but will post again when I've got a second draft ready to go around.
I posted more about Wendulu down in the character interview section if you'd like to know more about him.