Racela knelt and dried the little boy’s tears, then hugged him close. He cried as only a small child can--as though his world had ended. A part of it had, when his favorite dragon had died that morning, misjudging a turn in the morning acrobatics display.
“Don’t cry, Joren. Garm was old. He has gone to be with the Goddess. You will see him again, someday.”
“Only beings able to use magic go to the Goddess’ presence,” Agast said from behind her.
Racela closed her eyes and suppressed her anger with an effort. She didn’t believe that the Goddess was that narrow-minded. Even if Agast did, surely he was old enough to know when to hold his tongue. Sometimes comfort was more important than Truth.
----------------- Here are the first thirteen. The whole thing is less than 650 words. I wonder if I have actually managed to write a short story.
Anyone want to read the whole 650 words?
[This message has been edited by Meredith (edited May 02, 2009).]
Posted by bandgeek9723 (Member # 7886) on :
First, change the title, referencing kid movies from the nineties doesn't bode well for a story.
Second, send the story my way, I'll let you know if I think it's a story or not.
[This message has been edited by bandgeek9723 (edited May 03, 2009).]
Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :
It's the last line that's most promising to me. If you'd you'd like another reader, send it to me.
Posted by snapper (Member # 7299) on :
Hey Merideth,
I know where you got your idea. I love authors that can take a funny sign and craft a story out of that. Good work.
My only nit (and it is a small one) is your MC's name sounds like a womans.
Posted by Meredith (Member # 8368) on :
Thanks.
We'll see how well I did in making it into a story. I'm still not confident of my ability to work in the shorter format. But, those signs just HAD to be a story. It was too good not to try, anyway.
Posted by Owasm (Member # 8501) on :
Meredith,
I'd be happy to see it.
Posted by BenM (Member # 8329) on :
Sure, I'll have a look at the whole thing. I've grown to quite enjoy the short form as a writing exercise lately. I'm looking forward to it.
Posted by Meredith (Member # 8368) on :
Okay, having had a few critiques now, I'm convinced that I was a little too hard on Agast in this story. He just got on my nerves for some reason, so I killed him off. But that doesn't really fit the rest of the story. So I'm going to change the ending so that his punishment for being so didactic is to have to listen to Racela say "I told you so". Posted by Owasm (Member # 8501) on :
Along with Agast, I think you've made the right decision.
