He sighed and thumbed through the itinerary for tomorrow, awake at 0545 and therafter every 30 seconds was intricately planned for the rest of the day until 0005 then next morning. Meetings. A press conference. A speech. A helicopter ride over the flood ravaged midwest where he was supposed to frown out the window before declaring it a disaster, as if seeing it helps. He already declared it a disaster 24 minutes ago and the order was already going into effect under the radar.

This is a one-scene flash fiction story. Approximately 1,300 words. I'd appreciate any willing readers! Thanks!

[This message has been edited by Teraen (edited November 02, 2009).]
 

Interested in reading more.

Is there a reason for the shift from 12 hr time (12:14 a.m.) to military 24 hr time (0005)?

The double "already" in the last sentence pulled made me think too much about the sentence structure instead of just continuing in the flow of the story.

[This message has been edited by Dark Warrior (edited November 02, 2009).]

[This message has been edited by Dark Warrior (edited November 02, 2009).]
 

Regarding the first 13, I have much the same observations as Dark Warrior: The 12:14 vs the later time (how about fourteen minutes past midnight?) and the double-already drawing attention to itself.

I'm also not sure how thumbing through the itinerary is meant to be visualised; is he in bed, going to bed, intending to go to bed?