This is a finished first draft Sci-Fi with some horror elements. (Working Title)
Not written specifically for the 1st 13 but here it is--feel free to tear it up
I'm mainly looking for readers for the full 6500 words if anyone is interested.
quote:"Alright guys, vacation's over," Mac said to his crew, "It's been a long trip so we need to focus." They were the best around--hand-selected by him--but today they looked tired. With a dozen more exoplanets to check he would have to keep them on a tight schedule if he was going to be back on Mars with his family by the end of the year. "Yeah, Timbo, pull your head out of your arse. Don't want a repeat of Tarin-3," Burdy said. Everyone but Timbo laughed. "Bite me, Burdy," Timbo snapped back, "Oh wait, you would bite me, disregard." Turbo laughed again and patted Dino on the shoulder. "Dino, you were with Burdy that night. Where was that? Moon City?"
Thank you in advance, Donavan
[This message has been edited by Dark Warrior (edited June 01, 2010).]
Posted by Foste (Member # 8892) on :
I have no particular issue with the writing but it seems that there's an awful lot of characters introduced in the first 13.
You may want to slow down a little.
Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :
I agree - it's a good "scene", but may not be the best for the first 13. I'm always for setting up as much atmosphere as you can before launching into dialog. Put them at a bar, or in a ship... something to ground me so I can picture them talking.
Axe
Posted by JenniferHicks (Member # 8201) on :
I'll take a look at the whole thing. Willing to do a story swap? (Although mine isn't quite ready yet.)
Posted by Dark Warrior (Member # 8822) on :
Always willing Jennifer, I love reading your stories. I am making a couple of changes and in a day or two maybe yours will be close to reading.
Thanks in advance, Donavan
Posted by Meredith (Member # 8368) on :
I'm getting caught up on my crits (almost). I'll take a look at it.
Posted by Foste (Member # 8892) on :
You can send it to me but it would take me a few days to crit it. If that's all right with you, send it to me.
Posted by Dark Warrior (Member # 8822) on :
Thank you Foste, I forwarded it to your gmail account. If you need any reads or crits dont hesitate to ask,
