Apparently I'm starting in the wrong place. Let's see what happens if Chapter 2 becomes Chapter 1.
Trying to keep blood from dripping onto her suit, Dr. Perinath pressed a spare blouse against her head. She had broken through the window of the car in the collision. Sean hadn’t been so lucky, and was impaled through the arm and left lung with aluminum car frame. She couldn’t leave him, as the battery banks from a few of the cars were likely to fail and dump their charges all at once. Making sure Sean was safely clear of metal and still breathing through his intact lung, she had hailed a taxi from the slowed traffic, and was now nearly to the launchport. Her mind was racing, trying to carry on with Sean’s ideas to help Ranyk, repeatedly reviewing Sean’s injuries and hoping desperately that anything she missed was minor enough to wait for emergency crews.
[This message has been edited by Trav (edited May 01, 2008).]
I hope this helps.
How about some dialogue? We could learn much of what you tell us through dialogue between the characters - it would have the added advantage of drawing the reader in rather than being merely an observer.
[This message has been edited by nitewriter (edited May 01, 2008).]
The taxi was [now <-cut] nearly to the launchport.
But for us to know about the collision, she has to think back. It might be better to start before, during or immediately after the collision.
The phrase “trying to carry on with Sean’s ideas to help Ranyk” seems out of place and too vague. Either explain it and why it’s so urgent that it intrudes on the current emergency, or let it wait.
[This message has been edited by MrsBrown (edited May 02, 2008).]