OK a while back I posted my 13 for Damsel in distress...About a year from today to be honest.
I still wonder how my brother became a hero. Shakespeare once said that some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. For my brother it was more of a head on collision.
It all started on a Wednesday—I hate Wednesdays. The mere thought of returning to school fully conscious and having no reprieve until Saturday made me want to pull the covers over my head and sleep through the alarm. I would have -- if it hadn’t been for the screaming mob outside my window. The screams were ear shattering. My ears remained intact, but the window did shatter. I groaned, one more reason why I hated today, and I hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet.
It is not finished (Close, I am currently approaching the climax) But I am looking for a reader or two to give me feedback on the first 100 pages. Thanks in advance for comments and such.
Posted by Brant Danay (Member # 8087) on :
Good opening pair of sentences. The three possibilities of how he achieved greatness was a good hook. It makes one wonder which of the three it is, and establishes an instant mystery. I hope you didn't give it away in the next sentence, though, meaning that the head-on collision reference seemed somewhat correlative to the one about having greatness thrust upon him (at least that was my immediate reaction). Loved the segue from the ears feeling like they would shatter to the window shattering instead. I wasn't sure what the word "today" referred to in the last sentence. Lastly, I'm pretty sure ear shattering is supposed to have a dash and read ear-shattering, and head on is also head-on. Hope this helps. Best regards,
Brant
Posted by InarticulateBabbler (Member # 4849) on :
Solid. If you're not in a rush, you can shoot it over.
Posted by stammsp (Member # 8000) on :
I'd be glad to look at it for you, as well. You've intrigued me.
Gina (I seem to have trouble receiving attachments from people. Don't give up!) I have Word, if that makes a difference.
Posted by tigertinite (Member # 4803) on :
Thanks, I'll send the pages over as soon as possible.