Thanks.

Quoted for ease of reading.

quote:

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Ornell watched four shadowed men inch closer; he tensed. They were silhouettes against the foggy gray sky. Light from the full moon meagerly pierced through the veil of black clouds.

“What do we do?” Little Alric said.

Ornell wrapped his arm around the boy. “We wait. Remember your training.”

Tallgrass rustled, revealing bits of shadowed cloth, hair, and gnarled limbs. The stench of rotted flesh became more than apparent. Nighthorns. Abominations.

Curse the oath, Ornell thought. If life were balance--Karma--Then why for the wretched Oath had these bastards come so far west?

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I think the first paragraph could use a little rearranging and tightening.

quote:

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Ornell watched four shadowed men inch closer; he tensed. They were silhouettes against the foggy gray sky. Light from the full moon meagerly pierced through the veil of black clouds.

---

If you move a few things around, you can have a tighter paragraph without loosing any details. For example:

quote:

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Light from the full moon pierced through the veil of black clouds. Ornell watched four silhouettes inch closer; he tensed.

---

I didn't write a single word; I only rearranged them. I moved the light sentence first because it makes sense that the full moon was what allowed Ornell to see the shadow men. I also thought it is better to describe what he saw rather than call them shadow men and then describe them. You can tell us they are shadow men later. I also removed a few adjectives and phrases that I thought slowed the pacing, but I am a minimalist.

The rest was good.

JMO, good luck with this.

[This message has been edited by MAP (edited September 14, 2010).]
 

PB