quote:
Rell lives in a world where magic is dead. As far as he's concerned that's a good thing, considering the damage it did during the Great Mage War. All he has to do is look at the Blighted Forest or run to shelter from a mage storm, composed of the ashes of the mages killed in the war, to understand just how dangerous magic can be.
When Rell is caught in a mage storm, he discovers a previously unsuspected ability to work magic. This gift allows the boy to shield his extended family from the horrors of the storm, but the aftermath leaves him sick and weak.
Worse, magic turns out to be a mixed blessing. Rell can't control it. He can't call on it when he wants it, but strong emotions bring it out whether he wants it or not.
Any body willing to read the whole thing? Approximately 1150 words.
I need to start working my synopsis muscles. I think I'm going to work on an entry for your query challenge too
eyegore
Be happy to take a look at the whole thing as well.
From what I've read here, I think your first three lines are a good start.
I felt the next few lines to be less engaging as you go into the the details of the how the magic damaged the world. I think there is a bit of telling there.
I think you might be better off jumping directly to "When Rell is caught...
So you might have something like this:
"Rell lives in a world where magic is dead. As far as he's concerned that's a good thing, considering the damage it did during the Great Mage War.
When Rell discovers unsuspected magical abilities in himself while caught in a mage storm..."
I think this will more directly show the irony of someone who hates magic discovering magical talent in himself. You could possibly even get into (briefly) how he feels about it.
[This message has been edited by Osiris (edited December 03, 2010).]