Any comments are welcome. I'm interested in whether this gimmick of flash forward is annoying or effective: the story immediately jumps back after these two paragraphs to earlier that day. Otherwise, I'm starting with "Just another boring Thursday blah blah blah . . ."
The world exploded during science class, and I’m not talking about a chem experiment gone rogue, or an outbreak of people yelling: “It’s my money and I want it now.” I mean the serious end of the world. Lightning and earthquakes and crap in the air so thick you can’t see or breathe. I wasn’t sitting in class though, because the fire alarm started blaring about five minutes before the earthquake. I was with the rest of Calical High School: outside. In our case, not a good place to be when Earth decides to do a personal makeover.
Not all the kids were outside. My best friends were hiding inside Principal Bradley’s office. I’m sure that’s how the alarm went off in the first place. That would be just like Squires to pull the fire alarm. They probably had some plan to
[ June 04, 2012, 12:10 PM: Message edited by: Kathleen Dalton Woodbury ]
Posted by axeminister (Member # 8991) on :
Well damn, I like it.
Axe
Posted by Corky (Member # 2714) on :
I'd keep reading. I'm not sure I'd recommend going back to before all this happens, though. You've started when things get exciting and you've made the setting and the situation pretty clear--why go back to boring?
Posted by Meredith (Member # 8368) on :
I like it too, but I do worry about starting in an exciting place just to make really starting in a more boring one more palatable. If this is where the story starts, why go backward? If it isn't, shouldn't you be making the real starting point more interesting in some way (doesn't necessarily have to be by blowing something up).
Posted by GreatNovus (Member # 9671) on :
quote:Originally posted by Meredith: shouldn't you be making the real starting point more interesting in some way (doesn't necessarily have to be by blowing something up).
I would wear a variation of that on a T-shirt. Great writing advice.
Posted by Stevie J Penfold (Member # 9589) on :
Writing in the first person is hard. I find it great for setting up an interesting premise, but bloody difficult to follow through with on longer projects. That aside, I want to know what happens next, so your hook is fine. I agree with the other guys on here: don't go back, unless it's integral to your plot (like it's a time travel story or something). I'd prefer to find out why the world has exploded through what you describe next. Sci-fi mystery style!