She was mad, though. Mad because she had missed her ride home from school, and because she was cold, and because it was two weeks before Christmas and she was very, very lonely.
She walked by the side of the empty road, which was about as winding and hilly as every other country road in southwestern Pennsylvania, and viciously kicked offending clumps of snow out of her way.
It was a rotten day. The sky was dull and the snow looked tired. And Amy Nowick, who should have been waiting after Gillian cleaned up her studio art project, had already driven away—with her new boyfriend.
Dark Angel by L.J. Smith.
Opinions?
[This message has been edited by Phanto (edited February 18, 2004).]
Posted by kwsni (Member # 970) on :
Hook.
Any story that starts with the main character dying is interesting.
Ni!
Posted by TheoPhileo (Member # 1914) on :
Hook, though not a strong one. I would read a few pages.
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
Without the dying reference, it'd do nothing for me, so line.
Posted by TruHero (Member # 1766) on :
The first line is a hook, but sadly after that I could care less.
I personally have had experiences like this (missing your ride or the bus and walking home.) It seems like a "typical" teen experience nothing exciting here. I don't know where this is going, and I might read on a bit if I was in a waiting room. At least I didn't hate it.
LINE
Posted by Silver6 (Member # 1415) on :
Actually, I think the whole point of that first sentence is to give enough momentum to the reader so that he will read the next few paragraphs before something interesting happens (in this case, the main character's death). For me, it works. It's then up to the writer to see to it that my interest doesn't wander (he'd have me for a page or two here before my interest flags again) by telling a good story. I don't think stories have to start with a display of fireworks, since after that it's going to be hard to do better in the body of the tale. Of course, it all depends on what happens afterwards, but as an opening it succeeds in piquing my interest.
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
I agree, Silver. The death reference does the job of getting the reader through the next paragraphs. I guess for me a plus (the first sentence) and a minus (the next few paragraphs) equal only a line. Had the next few paragraphs been as intriguing, then it could have been a hook.
However, a line is good.
Posted by Alias (Member # 1645) on :
quote:The first line is a hook, but sadly after that I could care less.
I believe you mean "I could not care less,"
One of the most common and annoying mistakes I find in modern dialogue....grr
Posted by Doc Brown (Member # 1118) on :
It's a hook, in that it truly got my interest. Sadly, it also give me a clue that this story will be about something supernatural. There are so many dreadful stories about angels and ghosts that I find them easy to abandon. Though the hook is set, the story has a very high bar to cross.
Posted by TruHero (Member # 1766) on :
Give me a %$&#ing break, Alias. You're resorting to critiquing posts now? You have some "issues" for certain. Maybe I CAN care less! Thanks for clarifying it... I now care even less.
[This message has been edited by TruHero (edited February 25, 2004).]
Posted by wetwilly (Member # 1818) on :
I'm going to have to back TruHero up on this one. Going by the literal meaning of the words, the phrase should be "I could not care less." BUT I think this phrase is meant sarcastically. Kind of like "it could be better" usually means "it's bad" and "it could be worse" actually means it's at least somewhat good. I could care less...literally taken, it's an obvious statement, but taken sarcastically it means "I don't care."
[This message has been edited by wetwilly (edited February 25, 2004).]
