Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Need help with the opening paragraph

This is topic Need help with the opening paragraph in forum Discussing Published Hooks & Books at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Doublehex (Member # 3433) on :

quote:
It was February Seventeenth, and the year After Colony 075. Thousands of miles beneath the Pacific Ocean, one of Advent’s great submarines, mobile battle fronts, and platforms of Mobile Suits operations, the Colère de Sept, sped above the expansive miles of undersea mountains and caverns. The Captain of the fine vessel, Anthony Teratova, sat in the submarine’s cafeteria, sipping quietly on some chicken soup the chef had prepared especially for him everyday ever since he became Captain.

I know this needs alot of work to hook the reader, but I can't seem to figure out where to start. Can any of you guys help me out?

Posted by Ray (Member # 2415) on :

I think you'll get better results if you post this in Fragments and Feedback.

Posted by First Assistant (Member # 3458) on :

Exactly. This forum is for discussing books that have already been published.