Hatrack River Writers Workshop: The first 13 lines of the Da Vinci code...

This is topic The first 13 lines of the Da Vinci code... in forum Discussing Published Hooks & Books at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by thexmedic (Member # 2844) on :

Have fun.

Louvre Museum, Paris, 10:46 P.M.

Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum’s Grand Gallery. He lunged for the nearest painting he could see, a Carravagio. Grabbing the gilded frame, the seventy-six-year-old man heaved the masterpiece toward himself until it tore from the wall and Saunière collapsed backward in a heap beneath the canvas.

As he had anticipated, a thundering iron gate fell nearby, barricading the entrance to the suite. The parquet floor shook. Far off, an alarm began to ring.

The curator lay a moment, gasping for breath, taking stock. I am still alive. He crawled out from under the canvas and…

Posted by tchernabyelo (Member # 2651) on :

He'd just better not have damaged that bloody Caravaggio...

As "jump into the middle of the action" openings go, it's not entirely bad, though I would lose the "renowned", and "heaved.. toward himself" read kind of wrong (heaving doesn't seem to be the sort of action you can do towards yourself; I'd have gone with "hauling").

I've read plenty worse, and if this had been posted for critique, then I'd have probably said "I'd read on".

Posted by Ray (Member # 2415) on :

I did read on. In fact, I don't remember having a problem with the first three or five chapters at all. Brown does know how to write a decent beginning and set the story up, despite all his faults. I would have cut the "taking stock" bit, but that's a nit. As far as starting action goes, not too bad.

It's the rest of the story that he couldn't deliver.