2. Needle Child
by M.T. Reiten
Kass put a hand to her ear and jingled the jay bribe with her finger.
3. The Story of His Life
by David W. Goldman
Turner's car pulled up to the pub with fifteen minutes to spare.
4. Green Angel
by Sean A. Tinsley
Daylight comes, and my Angel tries to kill me.
5. The Firebird
by Andrew Gudgel
"Do you have it?" asked Tomasz, Baron Windebank, setting down his menu and leaning over the table.
6. My Daughter, the Martian
by Sidra M.S. Vitale
Miriam's hair was dyed a combination of black and shocking flamingo pink.
7. Meeting the Sculptor
by Floris M. Kleijne
Of all the consequences of the development of cheap and reliable time travel, the emergence of the art of Sculpting was the most controversial.
8. Into the Blank where Life is Hurled
by Ken Scholes
A sudden, sharp increase in the room's temperature signaled the Fallen's arrival, and William scrambled to the floor to prostrate himself.
Okay, I'm tired! I think it's pretty clear the majority start out with action. Of course, this is just one contest, one particular set of judges' tastes. Still, an interesting exercise!
(edited to add numbers for ease of reference)
[This message has been edited by annepin (edited May 21, 2008).]
Next question. Which ones would make you want to keep reading?
Edited to add: just a reminder that the titles play a part in the "hook" as well.
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited May 21, 2008).]
#2’s problem is a name (nothing evocative there), an ordinary action followed by a verb and noun both of which call up nothing as yet.
#3 again a name with no other information attached to the name and he’s doing something ordinary. There is the slight question of arriving with time to spare. I think being late would have been more interesting or being just barely – 30 seconds maybe – in time.
#4 was a total turn off. It sounds like some…psychological bit of social fiction. Well, that’s how it sounds to me.
#5 I’m suddenly there, in a restaurant, close to eating and with a question that kind of intrigues.
#6 did nothing for me. Hair color, weird hair color? I see that every day.
#7 first off, it’s in italics. That is a big turn off to me. The cheap and reliable time travel was interesting but then throwing in the emergence of sculpting – this sounds like it’s not going to be a fun romp with time travel at all.
#8 this would be my #2 pick. The title is a turn off because “hurled” seems to indicate vomiting these days. But the opening sentence has some interesting aspects. The temp dropping because of X’s arrival and Y being anxious, even desperate to brown nose.
I can't say any of 'em appeal to to me much, though I appreciate a good dynamic opening line, and I'd pick, oh, #s 2, 4, 6, and 8 as the best. Just a coincidence that I find the even numbers the best...the odd numbers are, well, just not odd enough...
I would probably read on for all of them, at least the first paragraph or so. The sentences are constructed in a way that force you to move on to the next sentence. In the first one we wonder why are the cliffs deserted and why is it worth noticing? In the second, what is a jay bribe (we can take a stab at what it is, and then we wonder if we're right), and why is she jingling it? In the third, fifteen minutes to spare for what (implies a meeting of some kind). In the fourth (possibly my least favorite), we wonder why the heck this thing is called an Angel if it's trying to kill him. 5) Have what? (maybe my second least favorite opening). 6. The title does a lot to draw us in for this one--it's clear we're talking about Miriam, so we get an instant visual of Miriam presumably from one of her parents' povs. 7. To be fair, this was one of those openings that quoted a fictitious text--that's what this is (that's why it's in italics). Didn't know which I should put down. Anyway, here we're forced to wonder what "Sculpting" has to do with time travel, and why it's controversial, and, combined with the title, we're expecting to meet a controversial person. Suggests tension.
8. What the heck is a Fallen, why is the temp dropping, and why is William scrambling to the floor?
I think it's in OSC's book Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy that I came across a section where he dissects some openings, including Octavia Butler's Wild Seed. He shows how each sentence almost requires you to read to the next. I think this is what you have to do.
I have the 23rd volume. I'll post the openings of those maybe in another thread.
I learned something interesting from that exercise. 90% of my favorite books name the POV character in the first sentence. At least the favorite ones I looked at today.
Based upon the one lines, I would read 1, 3, and 4. If you throw in the title I would also read 5.
1-I expect the next sentece would tell us why the cliffs being deserted is important.
3-fifteen minutes to spare. For what? should in theory lead into the next sentence.
4-An angel tries to kill him. Most interesting line to me.
5-The one line did noting for me. But I liked the title.
I agree it would be intersting to see the first 13. It would be fun to see if the ones I chose, hold true through the first 13. Or will I change my opinions.
For #1, 'finding the cliffs deserted' implies purpose--someone going to the cliffs for a reason--why? And also hints that the cliffs being deserted may be unexpected--I would definitely keep reading to find out.
#3: Again raises a question--15 minutes early for what? again I'm intrigued, even though the setting is commonplace.
#4 was okay; the strangeness of the line is what grabbed me, but I would figure out pretty quickly if the story was going to continue to grab me or not.
#5 seemed like a lot of beginnings I've seen before.
The rest held no appeal for me, because even though I found out who the characters were, the one line didn't convey enough of a sense of action or purpose or hinting at problems to come.
As a reader, I will keep reading if I get thrust into the hero's problem right at the beginning. Usually, by the time they've resolved it, I'm interested enough in the story/characters to keep reading.
That's the problem with "There was a knock at the door" kind of intro--the implied question, the reader wondering who's there, is answered as soon as the door is answered.
I have been struggling with this problem in my own WIP for the past 2.5 years...