I am wondering if anyone here has had experience with doing this kind of thing and whether they'd recommend it.
I want a cat that will still on my lap and, if not consider me its "momma," at least consider me a dear friend, but I worry that a cat that has already bonded with someone else will have a hard time bonding with me.
Any advice or experiences to share on this, anyone?
Firstly, with a kitten you don't really know what you're getting, personality-wise. With an adult cat you should be able to predict better.
I like the reputable shelter option because often they'll have a profile or something that will give you some general clues as to the cat's personality or at least what the previous owners (if there are any) said about the cat (of course, if a family or individual had to give up an animal they would really like to see that animal find a new home and not get euthanized, so they are likely to undermention faults or things that might prevent adoption. Ex: We were told 'Gracie' our previous cat was kept indoor only. And after 6 months it was clear that she was an experienced outdoor hunter -so the history we were given was erroneous).
Just keep in mind if you go looking at a shelter (or home) that any behavior you see maybe exagerated due to stress or unfamiliarity. if you approach the cage and the cat is talking non-stop, it's going to be a talker. If it hides, in the back and looks at you warilly it will be aloof and/or shy. If it still wants to reach out and be petted by someone -you've got a 'really likes people cat'.
I also like affectionate cats and when I went looking I responded to the cats that would approach the front of the cage and try to 'make contact'. In both cases we got pretty much what we were looking for.
Our first shelter cat 'Gracie' said 'hello' and approached the front of her HS cage to be petted when you called her name (shelters somtimes change names so this isn't foolproof and not all cats come when called).
Our current cat, 'Midori' approached the front of the cage when I coaxed her and then proceeded to lick all my fingers, much tot he annoyance of the shelter staff who were trying to keep a rampant kitty-cold virus from spreading.
As far as bonding goes, I've had no trouble. Cats are smart and tend to focus on the individuals who pet, feed, change their litter box, etc... (primarilly -feed!!!) When that person is absent most of them will readilly bond to the next most important person. I had to leave 'Midori' with my family when I moved to Japan, and while I miss her terribly, she had no trouble attching herself to my Mom who feeds her and whatever. When I came home on summer vacation it only took her a day to figure out that I was the 'cat person' and she reattached herself to me for the duration.
The only thing I suggest strongly is that even if you are planning on having an indoor/outdoor cat (and don't tell a shelter this as many will not adopt to people who let cats out) that you keep the cat confined to the house for a few months so the cat has time to figure out that this is 'home'.
Anyways, enough of my rant... That was Lyra's 2 cent guide to cat adoption.
Good luck if you decide to pursue adopting a new pet!
And feel free to ask any more questions...
It appears you have already had a great deal of experience with cats, so I won't go too deep into cats vs. dogs. I think dogs have a deep desire to please others, where cats have a deep desire to please themselves. This is not a criticism, but only to say they are by nature independent. They vary widely in personality traits - good and bad. Getting one is like going to a pot-luck dinner. Getting two is like going to one hosted by your in-laws - it doubles the odds. I'd try to get to know the cats first.
One we got as a kitten and my DH played rough with for a year before we got married, so she's always been more skittish (to be fair, she was probably born skittish), the other we inherited from my sister as one of a pair that she had adopted at about 1 year old.
The other of the pair we had to give back, it was really sad because she was polydactyl (7 toes on front! I have a thing for extra-toed cats) and I really loved her and I think she had the potential to be the lap-cat I was desperately missing when we got her, but she peed on things. Constantly. And I had a newborn. I couldn't cope. None of my methods of deterrent worked. The house smelled of urine, and it wasn't baby pee. I still feel bad about it, I don't know what happened to her - she went back to the shelter, but after that... sigh. I still feel guilty.
ANYWAY - the previous two, who I still miss like crazy even though it's been 7 years since they died (within 6 mos of each other, bookending the birth of that aforementioned newborn by 3 mos - rough patch for me...) were litter mates and were curled around each other in the shelter cage when my parents took me kitty looking when I was 10. We went out looking for one kitty, my mom picked up one of the two, I picked up the other, and we turned doe eyes on my dad and said "can we get two?" They were calm and sweet and probably 4-6 mos old, old enough to be able to see a bit of their personality, but still a little kittenish. So my experience with a pair of cats was immensely positive - those two almost never fought. I think it's important that they come as a pair. Otherwise, I'd recommend waiting a good long while - 6 mos or more - after getting one before going out in search of a second. Our cats have co-habitated for more than 7 years and still there are daily fights, and the white one (who is bigger but has no front claws) regularly sports a red slash across his nose where he's been popped by the black one.
Back to the cats we have now - the one who we got as a 1+ year old from my sister is clearly *my* cat. My kids and I recently listened to the Golden Compass and decided that Utley is my daemon, since he can never be very far separated from me. He sleeps in the basement now (too many living things crawling on me at night for too many years...) but in the morning if I'm still snoozing he'll climb in and burrow under the covers and sleep by my feet, which is all kinds of adorable. He was previously bonded to my sister just fine, but he digs me. I look forward to getting booted out of the "favorite human" role as my kids get a little older and spend more time loving on the kitties. Utley let my 4.5 year old use him as a pillow the other afternoon.
SO - heck, thanks Kathleen for giving me a chance to talk about my cats. But meanwhile, back to you - I suggest the thing you're looking for is personality in the kitties. It might be difficult to learn if you're trying to read between the lines of an advertisement. Do you think you could go to people's homes and sit with the kitties they need to give up and *leave* if you didn't think their personalities were a good match? I'd have a hard time with that, but that's me.
The first one we met was a 5-year-old female who has lived with her owner since she was a kitten. She looks like a snowshoe siamese, and she is polydactyl, so her "mittens" are extra big. She was very sweet and friendly--got onto my husband's lap (sigh!) right away.
The second cat we visited was a large almost 3-year-old male flame point siamese. His owner brought him in and put him in my arms, and he didn't want to go there. We couldn't put him down because there were three pomerainians yapping at our feet. He was a heavy shedder and he wasn't happy, so it was rather a frustrating experience.
The third cat was barely 2 years old, a male that looked like he was part red point siamese, though he didn't act or sound siamese. He was very intelligent, and we think he knew that we were coming to take him away because he didn't want to come meet us. He's only been with his current owner a few months, and she said it took him a while to accept her. My husband liked him, and I thought he was lovely (I like intelligent cats), but I knew we'd both be miserable if we couldn't bond, and I just don't want to do that to such a fine cat.
There is a chance we will get the first one, the female, but we are going to look around a little more.
I really appreciate you all sharing your experiences with this. It helps a lot.
It's good that you were able to visit them all. It also sounds like you have a thing for siamese, which is a breed I happen to have a soft spot for (the family who introduced me to cats when I was 6 or 7 had only siamese, lovely kitties.)
Are you planning to look at shelters too? I had such a positive experience with my first two who came from a shelter and were caged together. The shelter near us now has a big huge "cat room" where all the older cats hang out together. I haven't been in a long while but the kids and I used to visit and two different cats (Lucy, a skinny little black cat, and Ethel - which I think is hilarious - a similar sized gray) would always come to us, and Lucy in particular would climb into the basket of the stroller. I'm sure she wanted to come home with us. Anyway, in that environment it's a little hectic, but it's pretty easy to tell what kinds of kitties they each are. Any shelters like that around you?
She's hiding behind the couch. (I suspect that she's a little concerned about the cat smell from our 16-year-old--the one we had to put down. We tried to clean everything up after she died, but, of course, a cat is going to be able to smell things we can't smell.)
We visited some places with the cats in cages, and I'd planned to go to a "super adoption fair" that is this weekend, but when I woke up this morning, I realized that I would be sorry if the owner found someone else for the showshoe, so we decided that we would go get her.
I am hoping she will come sleep on the bed tonight, but maybe not.
I realize that these things take time.
KayTi, she's actually a cat that has grown up with dogs and other cats, so it's more likely that she'll be lonely now. My daughter has a cat that may be able to come visit, once she's settled in, so she can have another kitty friend on occasion (I hope). I would like more than one cat, but it doesn't look like that will happen now. <shrug>
Back to the point. Cats have a very good ability to adpat to a new home, and new owners it just takes time for some. My mother 2 years ago, adopted 2 feral cats, and their domesticated friend(a large male, called the ghost cat). It took a year, but even the feral cats have become lap cats, and keyboard cats, and lets not forget she no longer needs covers at night as all 3 pile on her.
Our 'Gracie' hid in the basement for the first 2 weeks and we'd wondered if we made a big mistake. I suppose getting spayed on the way home didn't do too much for her stress levels. But it turned out she was the smartest cat and one of the most loving we ever had (I would say most, but I think that award has been surpassed by the squeaky finger-licker, Midori).
She's UNDER the couch now, but she purrs when I reach under and scritch her jaw.
I'm going to have to pull her out now, though, to take her for a check-up.
The original owner gave me her immunization records, and according to them, she hasn't been seen by a vet for over four years.
Good thing she was free....
The purring is a good sign, I think. Hope she comes out soon to snuggle.
Almost 15 years ago we adopted a kitten. The previous owner had tried to drown the entire litter but someone saw them throw the bag over the bridge and went to see what it was. Only our kitten survived. He's our scaredy cat. He hides when people around which is a good trick since he's completely white. Not albino, white. Lately, he's decided he's in charge of the pack (3 other cats and 2 dogs). After years of only surfacing once a month or so for a few token pats, he now stands on my desk and hollars for attention. My husband was trying to talk to me this morning and Benedict (the cat) kept interrupting until Matt pat him.
Our mystery cat - wandered on the property to die - has fully adopted us. Regardless of what his past life was, he's bonded pretty strongly with me and my oldest son. So when I work at home, he's snuggled in the crook of my arm while I type. After a few months, you work these things out so we're both happy.
Our most recent adoption we found at a friend's house. Our friend does cat and kitten rescue. Poppy was in the office with her sisters (diffuse calicos) and just hanging out. I swooped down on her and said "Mine." She agreed. The kitten that didn't like being held staying in my lap for about 1/2 an hour. She's decided that my youngest son is her person though. She climbs the ladder up to his bunk bed every night.
Simese are tricky because the tend to bond to one person. If there wasn't a bond with the prior owner a little bit of love will go a long way. If there was, it's going to take some time, but she should bond with you. And a new place is scary. As long as she's looking for reassurance from you, it will work out well.
That night, she jumped up onto the bed several times and cried to me to scritch her some more. I tried to get her to sleep with me, but she just wanted scritchies.
This morning, I couldn't find her anywhere. I started going through boxes and throwing things away, and still couldn't find her. Then I caught a glimpse of her as she came out from under my desk (which shouldn't have had enough room for her under it) to peek at me. I got down and talked to her, and finally she came out for scritchies.
I had to leave during the day, today, and when I got home, there was, again, no sign of her, even after I called for her for a while. Finally, I sat down at my computer, and called once more. She responded with a MRWM? And I asked her to come see me, and she did! She jumped up onto my lap and even took a nap there! I just hope she decides to sleep on the bed tonight instead of only coming to ask for more scritchies.
But we're bonding! Yay!
Thanks for all of the encouragment, everyone.
I have some of the funniest pictures from each time we moved with the black cat who is one of our two current cats. We've had her a long time, I can think of at least 7 homes she's lived in. Usually the day of the move I take the cats to the new place early with the tvs and computer equipment and whatever else we don't want the movers moving, then my husband comes later with the rest of the crap. I set the cats up somewhere small like a bathroom for a little while and they smell everything, then when the moving dust settles, let them out to explore the house.
Our black cat (Selene) usually manages to then wedge herself somewhere much tinier than she actually is. I have a photo of her almost vertical smushed into the space between a bookshelf and a wall. It couldn't have been more than 4-5 inches wide, but there she was. You know they find small spaces comforting. My brother-in-laws kittens got behind the radiator coils when they first moved in with him (luckily the radiator wasn't on...)
Anyway - I predict she'll be so happy to have a nice human that she'll be cuddled up to you by morning, if not sooner. Good luck!
(what is her name?)
She has stripes, though, where most siamese have solid dark fur, and that makes her a lynxpoint siamese. (Lynxpoints usually also have ear tufts, but she doesn't.) And she has big blue eyes.
My daughter, when she met her, asked me why I always pick the mutants. Well! After all, I'm a science fiction and fantasy person, so what else would I pick?
Her name is Tikki, and it comes from being referred to as M.T.K., for Many Toed Kitty, when they first got her. The owner's daughter turned T.K. into Tikki.
So...was she by your feet by morning or is she still hiding under the couch, getting used to the place? I had a dream about getting a new kitty, your story has gotten under my skin. My two existing kitties would not like that one bit, though. I will have to wait.