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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Books » Bonded-First 13 lines

   
Author Topic: Bonded-First 13 lines
Jess
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Member # 9742

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I've posted the query for this, but now here's the first thirteen lines. I'm entering this into a contest at the end of the week (I'm great at procrastinating) I would love love love for someone to take a looksie at the first chapter. Chapter one is only about 3000 words.
And then if anyone is interested in doing manuscript swaps I would love to switch the whole thing. (I just need a bit of time edit based on feedback from some other betas.)
Anyhow, thanks in advance for your help! I hope to be as helpful to you guys too.
the deadline for the contest is feb. 17, 2012.

Chapter 1
Fire-bells rang out in the clear mountain air and, for once, it was not Kadren's fault. The pealing echoed throughout the valley below, but his attention did not leave the flickering ball of flames in the air over his head. Brushing his hair out of his eyes, he concentrated and the orange flare spun. It bobbed, weaving around him. He enjoyed the warmth as the ball passed near his skin.
Leaves rustled around him as birds fled his fire. He stood in the only patch of sunlight on the shadowy forest floor, created by the felling of an old tree.
He did not always have control over the flames, so it was best if he didn't practice directly under the tall branches. He'd caused seven fires that year. Combustion happened around him, especially

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Lloyd Tackitt
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I would keep reading with this intro.
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