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Author Topic: WotF Critique Group -- 2013 Q01
lizluka
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Thanks Dr. Bob, and thanks for your crit as well:) Good luck with the contest!
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Osiris
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Okay, I'm throwing in the towel on this quarter. Though I'm ALMOST done with my revision I don't think after waiting so long I have any right to expect that people will get it back to me in time to revise again before the end of the month. So, I'm bumping my story from this quarter to next. See ya over there, and good luck everyone!
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LDWriter2
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Mine is now revised.


Would anyone be able to look it over? I don't want a full crit, I just need some help to find all of those pesky nitpicks that seem to be invisible to me. Mine is just under 7,000 words.

And Osiris how long is yours?

Depending on length and if you don't mind me taking a week, I can do yours. Of course I'm not sure how much help one crit from me would be.

[ December 08, 2012, 11:36 PM: Message edited by: LDWriter2 ]

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Osiris
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Well I've bumped my story to the next quarter.
I have another story in the Innocentive Medical Science Fiction Contest that I will submit for this quarter if I here that it didn't win before the end of the month.

The story I originally intended for this Q is about 10K words. Since you signed up for next quarter, might as well wait until then.

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lizluka
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LDWriter2, I'd be happy to take a look if you want to send it my way.
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LDWriter2
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Thanks,

Later this afternoon or since we're Christmas tree shopping maybe tonight I'll send it.

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lizluka
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Got it:)
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mbwood
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I sent my entry in today.

Many thanks to Dr. Bob, UtahUte72, LDWriter, LizLuka for their crits. Good luck in the contest.

mbwood

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lizluka
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Great job mbwood! Good luck:)
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Osiris
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Well, Innocentive had the courtesy of rejecting my submission to their contest before this quarter ended, so I've just subbed the story to WoTF for this quarter.

Did anyone else get a plain white screen after submitting? It kind of made me wonder if the submission went through properly. I did get an e-mail saying 'thank you for your submission'.

Good luck everyone!

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rabirch
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Congratulations to everyone who has submitted!

I'm making final revisions on my Q1 story, which is not the one that I started with, "Guardian."

While I was workshopping "Guardian" here, I also had it up for comments at Baen's Bar and it was accepted for publication at the Grantville Gazette Universe Annex. It will be in the January issue.

Thank you to everyone from this group who critiqued it. Your comments were incredibly helpful and made it a better story.

My next story in the WotF line should be fully edited and submitted within the next week.

Good luck to everyone!

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lizluka
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Congratulations Rebecca! That's awesome [Smile]
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rabirch
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Thanks, Liz!
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LDWriter2
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I be done with mine. It be sent already...Urrg maties.


No, it's not talk like a pirate day I just felt like it.


However I did just send my story in.

I don't know---great story, got a couple of good crits for it, added stuff I have learned over the last year or so including what David likes, It's an older story I redid sections of, rewrote some smaller sections, it should be pretty clean of nitpicks...not sure about all the commas though.


I didn't do as much work on it as Q4, maybe half as much, so maybe this one isn't over done.

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Tim
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Osiris,

That huge blank screen scared me the first time I submitted, too. If you scroll up for a few pages, you'll see a "Thank you for your submission" message.

Must be a bug in the Wisehive submission system, I guess.

In other news, I'm new to this forum and relatively new to the contest. This will mark my fourth entry in a row. I should fare better on this one, I hope.

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lizluka
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Good luck, Tim!
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snapper
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When are we going to hear something?!?
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LDWriter2
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Over on the WotF forum it has been stated that David is either done or very close to being done. It sounded like he might send all rejections to Joni at one time. Joni meanwhile is either busy with the awards thing coming up and/or out of town--I was a little confused by that.

So it is expected that we won't hear anything for another two weeks and maybe not for a couple of days after the Awards thing. Evidently she usually pauses with sending out rejections and phone calls when the Awards thing is close. She's too busy with it to do both.

However since David has come onboard in his current position he and Joni have surprised people more than once.

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snapper
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Reports are coming in. Hold onto to something
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JenniferHicks
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I got yet another HM. That makes 10 for me.
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lizluka
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HM.
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Osiris
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Rejection. Funny thing this is the story that received an HM two years ago, and I returned to it to see how two years of skill development could improve it. I cut cut cut and refined and I think this version is much better, but it gets a rejection. Oh well, c'est la vie.
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JenniferHicks
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Different judge, different tastes.

The story I entered in Q1 was exactly the same story, no revisions, that got a silver HM from KDW a couple of years ago. Really I was running an experiment on the taste differences between KDW and DW, and it turned out how I expected. DW is a harder customer for me to please.

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LDWriter2
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quote:
Originally posted by Osiris:
Rejection. Funny thing this is the story that received an HM two years ago, and I returned to it to see how two years of skill development could improve it. I cut cut cut and refined and I think this version is much better, but it gets a rejection. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Well, it's a different person reading them at first and he seems to be tougher than the late ms Wentworth--different tastes for sure.

But I haven't heard yet but because of an E-mail snafu I may not. Especially as it looks like at least the semi-finalists have been notified. No phone calls which probably means the best I can get is a HM. Well maybe a Sliver but I'm still not sure how those are awarded.

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Osiris
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Right, it was just a reminder for me that what makes a story 'good' is a lot more subjective than I'd like to admit because I like to believe that hard work always yields results, when in fact, it is just half the equation. [Smile]
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History
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This is only my 4th WOTF submission. Most of my stuff is inappropriate.

I have never been in the first batch of rejection notices but enjoy the anticipation of the oft-proved rejection as much as I do having my blood drawn using a blunted rusty needle by a nurse with Parkinson's disease.

Respectfully,
Dr. Bob

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mbwood
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Well, I got my rejection via mailer@wizehive.com, fully automated, including the automated sympathy.

I dunno, I've sent in a story that previously got an HM, however, I may have polished up too much. Sure is hard to figure out. I'll give it a couple more tries and if nothing comes of it, I'll concentrate on my mainstream stuff and getting novels up on Amazon.

Remember the first rule of writing... Write!
mbwood

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History
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As I've posted elsewhere on Hatrack (I forget where), My takeaway from reading the last two anthologies has been:

1) submit science fiction
2) create a unique believable alternate/alien world/setting
3) create characters who are part of and yet in conflict with the world/setting.
4) the protagonist (and, if you can, the world/setting) must face internal and external conflict and be changed by their resolution at the story's end.
5) no "adult" themes (sex, gender-preference issues, graphic violence, no preaching)

I may or may not be correct in this, but this is my assessment to date.

I'm also behind you, Axe. I really would like to emulate you and gain some cred with pro-published shorts before returning to novel-writing. But we'll see, I'm more attuned to, and love, the larger canvas and even my "shorts" are long. [Wink]

Respectfully,
Dr. Bob

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JenniferHicks
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quote:
Originally posted by axeminister:
When you read Alisa Alering's story, you'll see what I mean. I can't imagine myself ever writing like that. (style).

Me neither. I cringe at description just for description's sake. If I'm going to use description (which I do), I want it to serve the story in some way. Which is why I will never get anything higher than an HM from DW. At this point, I'm entering every quarter out of habit more than anything else.
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LDWriter2
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quote:
Originally posted by History:
As I've posted elsewhere on Hatrack (I forget where), My takeaway from reading the last two anthologies has been:

1) submit science fiction
2) create a unique believable alternate/alien world/setting
3) create characters who are part of and yet in conflict with the world/setting.
4) the protagonist (and, if you can, the world/setting) must face internal and external conflict and be changed by their resolution at the story's end.
5) no "adult" themes (sex, gender-preference issues, graphic violence, no preaching)

I may or may not be correct in this, but this is my assessment to date.

I'm also behind you, Axe. I really would like to emulate you and gain some cred with pro-published shorts before returning to novel-writing. But we'll see, I'm more attuned to, and love, the larger canvas and even my "shorts" are long. [Wink]

Respectfully,
Dr. Bob

I think you're almost right.

David has said he would take most any type of story. More on this in my post on the Q3 thread.

Actually, Dr. Bob I think you're stuff that takes place in the past might work better. I was thinking of a shorter one I read that could take place in medieval times. You might have to add some to it to give it more emotional zing and try-fail cycles but it would fit in a number of ways.

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RyanB
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quote:
Originally posted by axeminister:


When you read Alisa Alering's story, you'll see what I mean. I can't imagine myself ever writing like that. (style).

Which is to say you've already read her story. Is it available somewhere? Or did you critique it or get private access some other way?
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History
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quote:
Originally posted by axeminister:
Dr. Bob, after reading your (brilliant) stuff, the only thing I might suggest is simplifying your plot/world problem and focusing in on the minutia.

Aleph: Thank you for the compliment.

Bet: The problem with "simple plots" is that I find them often too simple and unengaging--which is my major complaint about the short pieces I see at DSF, for example--yours, of course, exluded. [Wink]

Gimel: Oh. I love "minutia", which I define as the internally consistent little elements in voice and language that sensually bring to life the characters and the wonder of their alternate world/setting within the reader's imagination. This is what I understand as "transport(ing) your reader." May I assume this is what you means as well? I found Nick Tchan's The Command For Love (WOTF v.28) and Patrick O'Sullivan's Maddy Dune's First and Only Spelling Bee (WOTF v.27) perfect examples of this.

Contrarily, I've been warned by some here to tone this down. You know, in that some of my stories are "too Jewish". [Wink]

quote:
I'm serious about Alering's story. Not only did it thrill DW, but it came in first for the quarter. The plot (IMO) is remarkably simple. Girl meets mysterious boy in war-torn country. But it is absolutely saturated with details. I really felt like I was standing next to them.
I'm looking forward to reading her story.

quote:
Transport your reader.
And just to be a total snob, I'm going to repeat that.
Transport your reader.

Axe

Yes, sir.

Respectfully,
Dr. Bob

[ March 21, 2013, 01:23 PM: Message edited by: History ]

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History
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quote:
Originally posted by LDWriter2:
Actually, Dr. Bob I think you're stuff that takes place in the past might work better. I was thinking of a shorter one I read that could take place in medieval times. You might have to add some to it to give it more emotional zing and try-fail cycles but it would fit in a number of ways.

I am not sure which story you mean, LD. I've only written two, to date, that could be loosely considered "medieval."

Erev Tov, a 13th century eastern Anatolian (i.e. Turkey) Jewish fable, which has been kindly well-received by many--except WOTF where it received a routine rejection.

...and a forschbise flash piece of a rabbinic mystic, an orphaned girl, and a Babylonian storm demon, which I wrote for one of our WOTF challenges (I lost) and for DSF (rejected). It has now become a near-completed novelette/near novella.

Based on my above assessment of WOTF volumes through Vol. 28, neither would be appropriate for WOTF.

However, if Axe is correct, and Mr. Wolverton is interested in "medieval" f/sf, then perhaps something with a medieval alternate world bent along the line of MZB's Darkover of GRRM's Game of Thrones, but "original" might work.

I will give it some thought. Thank you. [Smile]

Respectfully,
Dr. Bob

[ March 21, 2013, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: History ]

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Owasm
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I generally write medieval sword and sorcery stuff, but I don't write flowery and I don't immerse my characters in the five senses. (and I don't write stories with insect monsters like he does) So I haven't had any luck with DW at all. My style and his expectations do not mesh.
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Osiris
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Dr. Bob,

Have you tried submitting anything to Shimmer? I recently received a nice personal rejection from them for a ancient Egyptian fantasy piece I wrote. The encouraging thing about the rejection is that they said they loved the setting I created and rarely see it, and wanted to see more. Though I haven't read your work yet, it occurs to me that your fantasy work, from your description it sounds unique in avoiding the conventional tropes of Western civilization, may be similary received, or with luck, accepted.

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History
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Dear Osiris (and LD and Axeminster and everyone...),

For me, it is this camaraderie, support, and sincere interest of Hatrack River Forum Members (under the moderation of Ms Woodbury) to help one another fulfil our potential as flegling writers (and to achieve publication) that brings me back to the Forum so regularly. May HaShem bless you all.

Osiris,
I have not yet submitted anything to Shimmer, a delightful venue btw, because I have yet to write something of sufficient brevity (i.e. <5000 words) as required by their guidelines [http://www.shimmerzine.com/guidelines/fiction-guidelines/].

I have written a modern Judeo-Egyptian fantasy piece, one of my Kabbalist Rabbi Cane stories, but it is thrice the permissible length for Shimmer. >sigh<
But it was so much fun to write. [Smile]

We should share stories someday.

Respectfully,
Dr. Bob

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JenniferHicks
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Wait! Hold the presses! Frank is a finalist!

Congratulations!

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2013/3/prweb10557471.htm

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JenniferHicks
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Wait again! Dr. Bob, too! Congratulations!

(And I hope no other Hatrackers are hiding on the list because I've reached my quota for exclamation points for the month.)

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snapper
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Damn it! There goes my big April fools day announcement.

Congrats Doc. I thought you were a resident of Utah? I asked Joni if any Utahians made it. You Deserets corner the speculative market.

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rabirch
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WOOHOO!!! Congratulations, Snapper and Dr. Bob!

So very pleased!

(I got a very shiny form R for Q1)

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LDWriter2
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Hold the Fort.


Dr. Bob is a Finalist????

Hey, you must have known for at least that last note. I was going to say that in my last note it was the flash story I meant but I believe that would be Okay for WotF if longer. But...

Of course this time the phone calls and rejections seem to have started the same time and evening but there may have been three posts up there that you knew.

Man, Good going at getting it and keeping it a secret. That story was good.

Snapper Congrats to you, you deserve it too.

But haven't you been close before?

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LDWriter2
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As for me

Nothing yet.

Which most probably means that Joni didn't get my E-mail about the new E-mail address and as stated before the best I could get is a Silver HM. But that's doubtful it is my writing after all.

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History
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Mazel tov, Frank!
(and "Hey!" you got top billing!)

A first for me.
Nick Tchan posted it to my facebook timeline before I did!

And, yes, LD, Joni called me Tuesday evening just as I got home. I have always appreciated your feedback and support, and that of so many others here.

Anyway, ultimately I may not be one of the three winners, but it is encouraging, and an honor just to be nominated.
.
.
.
.
.
...but I do look so svelte and distinquished in a tuxedo.

Just sayin'. [Wink]

Respectfully,
Dr. Bob

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Meredith
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Congratulations to both of you.
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Osiris
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Frank, big congrats! Reading that we have two finalists put a big grin on my face this morning.

Bob! Wow! Didn't someone in the 'I love/hate writing' thread tell you the darkest hours is just before the dawn? Even if you don't win, this is some serious sunlight on that literary gloom.

And yes, we should swap stories some day.

Every time I think I should give up on WoTF, fellow Hatrackers get nominated and my spirits are renewed. If I may be so bold as to say it ,this isn't a win for just Frank and Dr. Bob, it is a win for all of us.

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Owasm
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Congratulations to you both!
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wirelesslibrarian
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Congratulations to Frank and Dr. Bob! May the pair of you claim 1st and 2nd place, in no particular order. Either one would be pretty fine, right?
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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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Wishing there were a happy dance graemlin available.

Way to go, Frank and Bob! Have a great time at the workshop and the ceremony.

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LDWriter2
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Just found out that evidently not all responses have gone out.

I don't know if I'm the only one here not to hear anything but Yikes.


Just when I got my emotions settled that I wasn't going to get one this time too.

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History
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Just spoke with Joni.
She is very nice.
I'll not be on the podium next April.
They do wish to hold on to the story as a potential (no promises) "filler."
Seems Jerry Pournelle liked it.

Extending all my good vibes toward Frank.

Respectfully,
Dr. Bob

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