Want to introduce myself and thank the moderators of this site for allowing me to join.
Have self–published two books now, one under my pen name Christopher V. Davis. Really sticking to sci-fi now. A sci fi short story of mine –Fortunate Son, published on-line at Narrator International– received Editor’s Pick recognition on that site. In October 2015, OMNIreboot also accepted and published it (the story has since been archived).
Look forward to reading works posted here and have my own critiqued.
Hello, David C, welcomed to the river as like a tree, for its tributaries, main branch, and alluvial outflow, the hat rack tree shape.
Read the two novels' samples and the short. Hmm, some considerations for the grammar, content and organization, prose craft, and expression methods that will be raised when thirteen lines are posted for commentary on the Fragments forums.
One in particular for now: dielectal and idiomatic use of "as" for a coordination conjunction to mean while or when. "As" is one of the more common hundred words of the English language, eighteenth, actually, overworked and often misused in that above conjunction context.
"As" entails four parts of speech, too: adverb, conjunction, pronoun, and preposition. Its prose preposition function is often of a simile purpose to mean like: Robert Burns, "My love is _like_ a red, red rose." //My love is _as_ a red, red rose.// Therein the allusive correlation between ideas' function of "as" is most apparent, though a preposition use.
The Webster's Dictionary of English Usage provides many rationales for "as" usage and criticisms of its misuses through a hedging commentary. Okay if such-and-such, not okay if such-and-such, especially confusion due to meaning ambiguity, and an overall rationale and ample examples for artful uses.
Anyway, such an ample number of functions for the term means that its use is subject to misuse. One of which is overuse, another is false sentence fusions of non-simultaneous actions and uncorrelated ideas. In which case, more often than not, the use is a grammatical vice. To wit, diction and syntax errors.
An adjustment, and ripe for prose's grammars, realizes, even though two actions or more may be contemporaneous, they rarely if ever are simultaneous. And prose's sequencing method in the first place separates such false fusions into discrete sentences, for ease of reading and comprehension, for fluent flow, and for memorableness.
I am of the belief that "as" coordination conjunction usage is a vice, doesn't work for me, will throw me out of the all-important reader immersion spell so fast that I suffer whiplash.
The idiomatic "as" coordination conjunction use is only recently a convention of a young generation age range and digital technology consequence, plus, part of everyday causal conversation and conjunction uses overall as part of the social trend to use language as a means to "hog" conversation, to hold the floor against interruptions, to filibuster -- which is problematic for prose, if the language obviously filibusters readers' attention and is not itself engaging, rather, is disengaging.
The above, a taste of my editorial commentary. Though -- before I will comment about a fragment, I locate at least a few features that work for me and sandwich what works with what doesn't work for me commentary.
What works for me about the samples and short story overall? That they each entail a main tangible and intangible complication contest, are motivated and stakes driven, are dramatic and artful in those regards.
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