First draft of a short story of about six or sven thousand words as it stands now. Any feedback on this opening is welcome.
Fire on the Sea
Three figures rested inside the confines of the cave. Their narrow faces were half-illuminated by the dim light of the flames licking at the dying embers of a small fire. Two of them lay sprawled out, while the third, Tai, had curled himself up into a ball.
"You want to be WHAT?" Pyncheon roared.
Tai answered meekly, "A knight."
The air in the crowded cave weighed heavy in the silence that followed. Wanting to become a knight would perhaps be fanciful, or noble, or perhaps even a logical choice, depending on your birth. In Tai's case, it was just short of ridiculous, and he knew it.
For, you see, Tai had been born a dragon.
Dragons do not want to be knights. They terrorize them, chase them off, steal lovely maidens from them, and burn them to a crisp on occasion. Pyncheon had reiterated this speech to Tai so many times that he could say it in his sleep, but still Tai believed not a word of it.
Interesting. I'm in a dragon sort of mood since the novel I'm working on has one as a strong secondary character.
I only had one problem and that was with Tai. Why doesn't he believe the stories of what dragons do to knights? I would expect him to not believe the stories about knights killing dragons, taking over their hoards, and stealing the lovely maidens back.
Just my thoughts. Good job otherwise. If you still need readers after Jan 1, I'll take a look.