Better than any man on Haven IV, Jaan Bjorn knew the family kitchen. He not only cooked there but he had planted and cultivated the potherb garden outside the low window by the stove. He had lowered the cupboards to make them easier to reach and increased the size of the stove to make room for a brazier for roasting meat and large fungi. He had even added a walk-in pantry. Of course, his mother had wanted all these things to make her new home more like the Royal Villa she had abandoned when Livia the Usurper had killed her husband, King Aristides Bjorn.
That afternoon, the terrible reek of torture - sweat and blood mixed with feces - wafted in from the living room to mix in the Bjorn family kitchen with the domestic smells of garlic, onions, and herbs chopped fresh for the midday. One man and three women waited for the business conducted in the living room to be completed. Of the four, only Jaan belonged in this place where so many happy meals had been prepared. Jaan Bjorn was a prisoner in his mother’s home.

Well, it's got me intrigued to know what the heck is going on in that place.

A bit too much info going on for me though.
It started nicely - Wham, bham action. But then it took a big back step and we get all this detail about previous lives and kitchen design, which tbh...i'm not all that interested right now after such an explosive beginning.

That fall morning, [...]

(I only know this because it's in the current SF anthology I'm reading at the moment.) So, on the surface, this seems a valid intro.

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I'm sort of hooked during the first paragraph, and then you lose me in the second. Additionally, that first sentence is a bear to get through. I would recommend either additional punctuation, or breaking it up into several sentences, or reordering some of the words and breaking it into several sentences. You're cramming way too much info into that one sentence, in my opinion. Give us a chance to assimilate the scene.

Secondly, the last sentence of the first paragraph would make an excellent starting sentence, I feel.

The second paragraph seems wholly out of place, because you tease us with torture, and then you neglect to follow through with it. Maybe this is all right, but the information in paragraph two likely isn't necessary -- especially the remodelling stuff. Not yet anyway.

But the idea in the first paragraph is indeed intriguing. If it weren't for the second paragraph, I'd want to read on. Heck, I'd probably read on anyway.

Hope this helps.

quote:

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Of the four, only the man belonged in this place where so many happy meals had been prepared. Jaan Bjorn was a prisoner in his mother’s home.

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You are forcing the irony. I'd quit at: Of the four, only the man belonged.

quote:

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Of course, his mother had wanted all these things to make her new home more like the Royal Villa she had abandoned when Livia the Usurper had killed her husband, King Aristides Bjorn. It had taken the return of her

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I like the change of pace at the beginning of the second paragraph, but I think that you should keep the pacing consistent through the paragraph, if you are going to shoot into some drama, then start a new paragraph.

That afternoon, the smell of torture wafted in from the living room into the kitchen, where...

Or something along those lines. I feel this would REALLY draw us in much better -- a super hook, perhaps. The torture is the key part of that line, right? So, smack us in the face with it right from the start! Don't beat around the bush with herbs -- give us the goods, first. Then, describe more in detail.

Just a thought (opinion). I'm rescinding my comment about using the last sentence of paragraph one as a first sentence, by the way.

Good luck.

I enjoy the use of action first language, where there is more motion and dialogue, with narrative description used as a bare bones backdrop that acts like a skeleton on which the reader can build the setting on his own. Just my opinion