I woke to the sound of my mobile ringing. I switched it off and stretched clumsily, my whole body stiff and aching. Stephan was asleep on the chair beside me. Though the curtains were drawn, the red in them was bright as if burning, and I could tell it was daytime and the sun was in full force. Someone had drapped a blanket around me. I glanced around the room. There were empty bottles everywhere, ashtrays full, glass littered the floor.
“You are aware that you’ve just spent three days in a bar” Erwin noted evenly, from the far side of the room. He had an amused expression on his face. Damn. So much for being enigmatic. As if to double my pain, I kept having flash backs of the night before, how I met him, what I had said. “Coffee” he said, rising up out of his chair past me to the bar. And I trundled over

The MC wakes up to his/her (I initially pictured her, but then decided it was probably his...) phone ringing, which doesn't wake Stephan. Meanwhile, Erwin is across the room - did he ring the mobile? What room is this, and where? Why are three men (or two men and a woman) sharing it? Who's ringing the MC (and after that first line, the phone is completely ignored -- normally if someone is woken by a phone, they answer it, they don't start up a conversation with someone else).

>Though the curtains were drawn, the red in them was bright as if burning, and I could tell it was daytime and the sun was in full force.<

felt really choppy to me.

Also, Erwin informs him/her that he/she has been in the bar for three days. That made me think that the MC had been passed out for awhile, but then he/she remembers the night before...