posted
After several agrivating movies about superheroes I decided that one of my characters froma a comic I created would like to have her say about her hero family.
A hero must be perfect.
I still wonder how my brother became a hero. Shakespeare once said some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them. My brother would be in the ‘greatness thrust upon him' category. Actually, it was more like he crash landed. Honestly, if people were taking tallies on how much damage he saved compared to how much he caused, no one would question why he hid behind that mask. I thought my dad was bad, when he was angry we had to repair the floor, or the telephone, or the car... My brother freaks and well, good luck finding the floor.
The house was soaking, it was as if someone had taken an Olympic sized pool and dumped the entire contents into the upstairs bathroom, and from my experience that was exactly what happened.
[This message has been edited by tigertinite (edited January 17, 2007).]
[This message has been edited by tigertinite (edited January 17, 2007).]
posted
Sorry about the first paragraph, I skipped a line or two.
A hero must be perfect. No exceptions.
How my brother became a hero...well you know what Shakespeare said some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them. My brother would be in the ‘greatness thrust upon him category’ Honestly, if people were taking tallies on how much damage he saved compared to how much he caused, no one would question why he hid behind that mask. I thought my dad was bad, when he was angry we had to repair the floor, or the telephone, or the car... My brother freaks and well, good luck finding the floor.
posted
Ok, I think that this is well written. It is catchy, it is interesting, and hooking. The narrator comes across as a little sarcastic to me... im sure that is what you were going for, maybe tone it down just a bit. Or not, I would still keep reading as it doesn't bother me a whole lot. It also doesn't bother me that very little information is given about the circumstances she is talking about in the actual dialog. But nonetheless, this could be a problem. Because I know this is about a super hero family only because you mentioned it in the preface. Consider the fact that a reader just picking this story up wouldn't have that to know what the heck is going on... it might be good to include a few hints. Just a simple 'My family is weird. In fact, they are weird on a whole other level then most families. For instance my brother...' I don't know, maybe a bad example, but at least the reader is prepared for something.
Otherwise,... good writing!! It does a writer good to see another succeed at the craft.
posted
It's close, but tell us the brother's name. After all, this narrator is telling the story because the brother is famous (at least to the fictional audience). Follow that logic in delivering the transition to the specific incident, too. The narrator may want to hide certain details (secret identity and all), but doesn't have any motive to simply confuse the audience (not us, the fictional cohabitants of your setting).
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posted
I like the angle--the perspective of a loving but slightly jealous sibling, discussing his error-prone superhero brother (of whom everyone else stands in awe, or fear, or whatever).
Great ideas like that don't come along every day. Your writing looks up to the task of executing it, too. Good luck!
posted
A thousand thanks for the critism. I decided to add a second paragraph before going into the sopping living room to add the much needed information.
Posts: 99 | Registered: Jan 2007
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