Hatrack River Writers Workshop   
my profile login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » Completed story looking for critiques

   
Author Topic: Completed story looking for critiques
djvdakota
Member
Member # 2002

 - posted      Profile for djvdakota   Email djvdakota         Edit/Delete Post 
This is a long-forgotten remnant of Mike Munsil's Flash Challenge that I've been reworking lately. Less than 1000 words.

You may comment on the first 13 if you feel you must.

Tom shoved Harold Tueller overboard. Harold, Harold's hammock, Harold's trunk. Give them to the sea and let her cleanse them.

Harold was the last of them.

He listened as Harold's body thudded against _Nautica's_ side, then splashed into the sea. _Nautica_ creaked and groaned a eulogy. Tom bowed his head and let her speak, then said his amens and went back to work.

He walked along the rail first, touching the baited lines that trailed in the water. Four were heavy with catch. He would never be able to drag them in by himself. Not now. Food for Harold and himself, they had been.

He took his knife from his belt and cut the lines.

[This message has been edited by djvdakota (edited March 01, 2007).]


Posts: 1672 | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Phanto
Member
Member # 1619

 - posted      Profile for Phanto   Email Phanto         Edit/Delete Post 
I'll look at it.

yos _AT_ gis.net

replace the _AT_ with a @.

^^;;


Posts: 697 | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dude
Member
Member # 1957

 - posted      Profile for Dude   Email Dude         Edit/Delete Post 
I'll read.
Posts: 266 | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dee_boncci
Member
Member # 2733

 - posted      Profile for dee_boncci   Email dee_boncci         Edit/Delete Post 
I'll read it. I might not get to look at it until Monday (my schedule says my novel draft is to be completed Sunday evening ) If that's not too late, send it along, and let me know if there are any particular points you want me to watch out for.


Posts: 612 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
RFLong
Member
Member # 1923

 - posted      Profile for RFLong           Edit/Delete Post 
I'll read.

R


Posts: 284 | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pixydust
Member
Member # 2311

 - posted      Profile for pixydust   Email pixydust         Edit/Delete Post 
I'll read...
Posts: 811 | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Phanto
Member
Member # 1619

 - posted      Profile for Phanto   Email Phanto         Edit/Delete Post 
As my email is having issues, though I did recieve the letter, I will not be able to respond until Thursday this week. Pardon the semi-delay.

~ Phanto


Posts: 697 | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ruskin
Member
Member # 5128

 - posted      Profile for Ruskin   Email Ruskin         Edit/Delete Post 
I'm new around here, and new to formal critiquing, but I'll try to give my input. The story looks interesting so far!
Posts: 19 | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DeepShadow
Member
Member # 2182

 - posted      Profile for DeepShadow   Email DeepShadow         Edit/Delete Post 
I'll help, too.
Posts: 38 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
djvdakota
Member
Member # 2002

 - posted      Profile for djvdakota   Email djvdakota         Edit/Delete Post 
No trouble waiting, Phanto. I'm a slow worker.

And RFLong, I need an email addy. If you don't want to post it on Hatrack you can email me directly and I'll send in a reply.


Posts: 1672 | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DeepShadow
Member
Member # 2182

 - posted      Profile for DeepShadow   Email DeepShadow         Edit/Delete Post 
I've got your reply coming tonight if possible. If you want to discuss any of it here, I'm game for that, too.
Posts: 38 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DeepShadow
Member
Member # 2182

 - posted      Profile for DeepShadow   Email DeepShadow         Edit/Delete Post 
One detail I neglected in the email: they've headed out from Spanish Town. I know there are plenty of towns with names like this, but we as writers are accused of being lazy when we use them. I'd pick a new name if I were you.
Posts: 38 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
djvdakota
Member
Member # 2002

 - posted      Profile for djvdakota   Email djvdakota         Edit/Delete Post 
Oops!

[This message has been edited by djvdakota (edited March 17, 2007).]


Posts: 1672 | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2