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Will knew trouble was brewing. He saw the two beastmasters watching him from their table instead of watching the necrids. The necrids were in turn casting evil glances at all of them, including Will.
“Sirs, I don't mean to be telling you your business, but I am quite sure the necrids over in the corner mean to do you harm,” Will whispered.
“They are welcome to try, lad,” said the older one in scathing tones. “Bloodhound has not tasted necrid flesh for a few days.”
Will looked at the massive beast laying at the mans feet. Bloodhound, indeed. The beast looked more wolf. “My Mersa would have their eyes rather quickly,I should think,” said the other.

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“Stay out of the village, Sheela!” Will thought to the forest cat. “There's necrids here.”
She snarled a mental disagreement in his mind.
The beastmasters were watching Will instead of the necrids. The pale cadaver—-like sorcerers were in turn casting evil glances at all of them, including Will.
“Sirs, those necrids mean to do you harm,” Will whispered.
“They are welcome to try, lad,” said the older one in scathing tones, wiping ale foam from his mustache. “Bloodhound has not tasted necrid flesh for a few days.”
Will looked at the massive beast laying at the mans feet. Bloodhound indeed. The beast looked more wolf.

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“So you're telling me you beast corp men came to Barsona looking for me?” Will's heart skipped a beat as the older one, Jander, nodded. “You don't know how long I've dreamed of this!”
There was a clattering at the entrance of the ale house and another group walked inside. Necrids!...the beast corp's sworn enemies!
“Stay out of the village, Leesha!” Will thought to the forest cat. “There's necrids here!” He heard her mental snarl of disagreement.
The pale cadaver—-like sorcerers saw the two beast corp men immediately. Wills heart started pounding when their cold glares settled on him with the same hate. He wanted to say he wasn't with them

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“So you're telling me you beast corp men came to Barsona just to find me?” Will's heart skipped a beat as the older one, Jander, nodded. “You don't know how long I've dreamed of this!” Will exclaimed.
The stench of death entered the room followed by the sound of swords being drawn as another group entered the ale house. Necrids!...the beast corp's sworn enemies!
“Leesha!” Will thought to the forest cat. “There's necrids here!” He heard her mental snarl of hatred. The pale cadaver—-like sorcerers saw the two beast corp men immediately. Wills heart started pounding when their cold glares settled on him with the same hate. He wanted to say he wasn't with them but the words froze in his mouth under their stare.

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[This message has been edited by honu (edited November 28, 2008).]

“Sirs, I don't mean to be telling you your business, but I am quite sure the necrids over in the corner mean to do you harm,” Will whispered. This seems very formal and long-winded for a whisper. If Will is trying to be quiet and is scared of the necrids overhearing, he would keep it shorter. I know if I'm whispering or trying to keep quiet, I keep it short and to the point.

“Bloodhound has not tasted necrid flesh for a few days.”
Will looked at the massive beast laying at the mans feet. So this dog eats necrids but now with necrids in the same room, it is sitting dociley at its masters feet? And do the necrids feel safe with such a creature in their midst? And these beastmasters hunt these creatures but are now sitting in the same room as them? I'm sure all these questions are answered pretty quickly but I think you need to start with more of a grounding in the situation here to make the reader feel settled in this world you're creating.

Good luck with it!

A couple of other notes:
-- My first thought at seeing beastmaster was of the TV show. And the second version uses the name Sheela, which is awfully close to Sheena, who wore a cat-skin outfit and swung around the jungle.
-- "Will knew trouble was brewing" strikes me as cliche.

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Will knew trouble was brewing.((Hmnnm... kinda simple and cliche. Prehaps something more intense:"Wiill felt a bead of sweat cowardly flee from his brow and slowly fall down his cheek" That is a little Over the top, but you see my point...set the tone without spelling it out.)) He saw the two beastmasters watching him from their table instead of watching the necrids.((A little wordy I think: "The two beastmen were far more interested in Will than he found comfortable; they paid no heed at all to the ADJECTIVE necrids slathering them all with their evil glares")) The necrids were in turn casting evil glances at all of them, including Will.
“Sirs, I don't mean to be telling you your business, but I am quite sure the necrids over in the corner mean to do you harm,” Will whispered.
“They are welcome to try, lad,” said the older one in scathing tones. “Bloodhound has not tasted necrid flesh for a few days.”
Will looked at the massive beast laying at the mans feet. Bloodhound, indeed. The beast looked more wolf. “My Mersa would have their eyes rather quickly,I should think,” said the other.

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Overall, I was interested by this beginning. I think it could be honed, and with a little focus be really compelling.

I agreee with the comments on the opening dialogue. There is also a leap which was not included from his seat to within whispering earshot of the beastmasters.

I was really starting to get into the story right when it stopped

(edited because I ALWAYS think of something else afterwards)

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He wanted to say he wasn't with them but the words froze in his mouth under their stare.

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I agree that the cat in the forest takes away from what is happening right there.

I don't feel like I have to know right away who and what the necrids (I am kindof forming a mental picture of zombies) but that is something you will want to explain as soon as the fight gets over or you will lose those of us who are patient enough to wait for the explanation. You did say that they were sworn enemies of the "beast corp", which is enought to go on for a start.