The Abbot had been singeing in his telling off, running in the Chapel, the Order's most sacred place was not acceptable. The fact I had been running to help a fellow Hai-ji or Monk was a mitigating circumstance that had saved me from a much worse fate. He had instead insisted I perform a silent penance for my actions.

I'll try to explain a little better:

"The Abbot had been singeing in his telling off, running in the Chapel, the Order's most sacred place was not acceptable" - I didn't understand this first line. I tried, but I couldn't figure out what was going on.
- "singeing" sounds like you meant "singing"
- What do you mean by "telling off" exactly, and especially in the way you use it? "The Abbot had been singing in his telling off" that didn't quite make sense at the start.
- I think I understand "running in the Chapel", but after the comma it threw me off, too. "The Order's most sarcred place was not acceptable" - I think I understand "The Order", but what do you mean "most sarcred place was not acceptable" and in the same sentence with "The Abbot"? (If you don't understand something I'm trying to clarify, let me know. I'll try to explain myself better)

"The fact I had been running to help a fellow Hai-ji or Monk was a mitigating circumstance that had saved me from a much worse fate."
- I think you might have this backwards. At first, I thought the story would be from The Abbot, but then you go into first person, and that threw me off, too. Maybe switch the sentences up a bit, maybe, so we know who's telling the story, and then include something about The Abbot.
- Also, I think this sentence sets up a better hook than the first you have. The first was awkwardly worded and I didn't really understand it.
- If you do decide to switch the sentences around, then Maybe you could also shorten this sentence and make it less wordy.

"He had instead insisted I perform a silent penance for my actions."
- I'm guessing it's The Abbot who insisted on this. You can decide whether to just keep it "He" or change it to "The Abbot". I wouldn't know for sure if it's best left at he or abbot.

"I had not been let off lightly, the tasks set me were great."
- Awkwardly worded, I think. The first parts all right, but the second part sounds a little strange. "the tasks set me were great" What do you mean "set me" That's what sounds kind of off in that sentence, I think.

"I was trying very hard to release myself from the resentment and anger I felt, Brother Yamato had been hurt by a Great Skua who had pecked him and wouldn't leave him alone."
- You can get rid of "very" that weakens the sentence.
- I like what you said there: "I was trying hard to release myself from the resentment and anger I felt..." But instead of "was trying", maybe "tried", and when you do that, mayeb change "to release" to "releasing". You'll have: "I tried hard releasing myself from the resentment and anger I felt." That sounds better. And what you have here, all in all, is a run-on sentence. You can stop at "felt" and start a new paragraph with "Brother Yamato"
- I'm trying to figure out what you meant by "pecked him"
Kissed him or something? Is the Great Skua a bird and it pecked him with a beak. That's my guess anyway.

"He needed help so I had dashed in without thought and shouted for help. Why should I be punished for helping my Brother, it was so unfair of the Abbot."
- I like these last Two sentences. It hooks me. What I like is that he dashed in, shouting for help.
- But I think you should break these sentences up, and place a question mark after the question you have in here.
- "He needed help, so I dashed in without thought, shouting for help."
- "Why should I be punished for helping my brother? It was so unfair of the Abbot."

As for the over all lines, I think it's both good and kind of confusing. It doesn't start making sense till the end, but that's just my opinion. I think you should fix the beginning portion of it more so, and also work on the bottom portion, too.

I hope my comments help. Sorry if there's something in here that you don't quite understand. If there is, don't hesitate to ask about it.

Good luck.

The HAD BEEN bits distance us from the story and slow it down. I also couldn't make sense of the first line.

Why not show the telling off, rather than tell us about it.

Might try rewriting in third person. Does knowing singeing = burning/scorching and telling off = reprimand help at all?

quote:

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Abbot (name) had been scatheing in his admonishment. Running in the Chapel, the Hai-ji Order's most sacred place, was not acceptable. The fact that I had been running to help a fellow Monk was a mitigating circumstance that had saved me from a much worse fate. Nevertheless, he had insisted I perform a silent penance for my actions.

I had not been let off lightly. The tasks set before me were great. I tried hard releasing myself from the resentment and anger I felt. Brother Yamato had been hurt by a Great Skua who had viciously pecked him and wouldn't leave him alone. He needed help so I had dashed in without thought and shouted for help. Why should I be punished for helping my Brother? It was so unfair of the Abbot.

---

Hmmm, I was going to say something but it would be mostly a repeat of what has been said already. I had to read the whole first line before I got it. Singeing - even though my spell checker knows it- is very unfamiliar and in this context easily mistaken for singing.

The whole sentence describing running in the most holy area needs work. Too long and complicated. The rest of it was fine, I understood his anger and frustration. Nice set up too. I can see how this could be leading to two or three different outcomes, each of which would fit.

quote:

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The Abbot was scorching in his reprimand. I had been caught running in the sacred chapel. The fact I was running to help a fellow hai-ji monk was taken into account when sentence was passed.

---

"Do you think if I replace singeing with scorching I would get away with leaving telling off?
[quote]The Abbot was scorching in his reprimand of me. I had been caught running in the sacred chapel. The fact I was running to help a fellow hai-ji monk was taken into account when sentence was passed.[quote] :"

I think it sounds better.