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“There’s an entire world out there and she’s keeping us trapped in here. We have to do something about this.” Mr. Tibbles said as he paced back and forth. He gazed hopefully out at the summer’s midday sky. “Mmmm,” Jenkins replied. Mr. Tibbles ignored the fact that Jenkins’ comment was more in response to his servicing himself in the corner, than response to his own remark. “That’s just the way things are Tibby, and it’s probably for the best. You don’t know about the things that go on out there. It's no place for a cat." Missy said. She was sprawled out on their bed, and she spoke in a lazy croon. “How would you know what it’s like out there? You’ve never been
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited September 03, 2011).]
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Axis, I wanted you to know I had at least looked this over, but I feel like this story's audience would not be me. There was a book I read as a child about intelligent mice that this sounds similar to. This just sounds too young for my expertise to be useful.
About the only thing I could suggest would be that (with the formatting on my screen) it is hard to grasp (for me) who is speaking at times. Is Tibby a nickname for Tibbles?
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Hey Axis. So I think you got something good going here.
The sudden dialogue of Missy threw me off. I thought it was Jenkins talking.
The first line hooks me. It seems to set up the story of these cats being trapped and perhaps looking for either escape or an adventure outside.
The second line about Jenkins doesn't work for me. It doesn't seem needed other then to really establish that there are three cats in the room. It slowed down the reading for me.
If you are looking a full crit let me know. I will take a look at it.
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