posted
So, it's been a long time since I've written one of my "rusty" stories, but I've had this idea about a face formed of graffiti for a while now, so I figured I'd give it a whirl. Just got started. Thoughts on the begining welcome, also seeking readers for when it's finished. I got a little ways in and decided to take a somewhat different approach to the story, so the opening has changed.
I brought my latest subject, whom I called The Emotional Boy, into the Temple, the Altar of my God. I’d found the Emotional Boy at a club, just as my God said I would, the God who I’d found in the stalls of dank bathrooms like this one, on the walls of garbage-filled alleys and the sides of rusty machinery in the hearts of abandoned factories. The body of my God spread through the city and at last, it lead me here, to its Face. The Face new the truth of everyone who had added to its body with their scribbles and words and stories, and now I would make sacrifice at this altar, breathing the stink of piss and damp amid rust-stained porcelain and decaying pipe. “Hey, what is this place, man?” the Emotional Boy asked. Only his pale arms and face showed clearly in the shadows,
Current opening
I brought my latest subject, whom I called The Emotional Boy, into the Temple, the Altar of the Graffito God. I’d found the Emotional Boy at a club, just as the God said I would, the God who I’d discovered in the stalls of dank bathrooms like this one, on the walls of garbage-filled alleys and the sides of rusty machinery in the hearts of abandoned factories. Its body spread through the city and at last, it lead me here, to its Face. The Face knew the truth of everyone who had added to its body with their scribbles and words and stories, and now I would make sacrifice at this altar, breathing the stink of piss and damp amid rust-stained porcelain and decaying pipe. “Hey, what is this place, man?” the Emotional Boy asked. Only his pale arms and face showed clearly in the shadows,
posted
Excellent, thanks. When it's finished (which at the moment I dont know when it will be) I'll send it over and you can send me your Isis story whenever you're ready.
Posts: 2626 | Registered: Apr 2008
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posted
Oh, I sent it. I guess you didn't get it so let me send again, let me know if you don't get it in the next 10 min.
Posts: 1043 | Registered: Jul 2010
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posted
When you have a moment would you change my subject line to "Dark Arts-Horror-2,100 words" please? Thanks.
Posts: 2626 | Registered: Apr 2008
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I might make sure we know the specific setting of the Face a little more clearly. Perhaps put the stalls of dank bathrooms as the last example of where the MC met the God, and lead on from there?
posted
Merlion-Emrys, there is a distinct possibility that you may be able to change your topic title yourself, with this updated forum software.
Please, as an experiment, try to make the change you would like, and let me know what happens. Just edit your topic-starting post (there's a space for the title), and see if the software will let you change it.
If it won't, let me know, and I'll make the change, but I'd really like to see if you can do it yourself now.
posted
Dame, I know what you mean about the exact setting, it's actually fuzzy to me as well. I'm not sure what that building was originally to be honest.
KDW...you're probably right. I'm so in the habit of asking for alterations I forgot I probably can change it now...lets see...
posted
Thank you, Merlion-Emrys, for testing that out for me.
It's cool to find out what we can do on this version of the forum that we couldn't do on the older version.
Posts: 8826 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
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