posted
So, I'm wrote a short, and I like it. There is just something wrong about it. I wanted to write the story from the point of view of a teenage girlie girl who is mostly oblivious to the action. And it's really funny to me that all these weird things are going on, and she is worried about her clothes, or if that cute boy with the machine gun is checking her out.
But now, I'm wondering if it's too cutesy to do that, and if I should change the point of view character to someone who changes more, or has more at stake.
I wanted it to be kind of a parody about how oblivious we are in society to the actions around us, but now the story seems more interesting than the parody.
hmmm. Is it because I'm trying to actually say something? Maybe I should say it less heavy handed.
posted
There's two of the basic components of humor right there. People like to have a target, and they like to feel intelligent. Having a parody where the oblivious person just doesn't get it but everyone else does has great potential for humor.
Posts: 620 | Registered: Mar 2009
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posted
Each of these things is not like the others;
Narrative point of view, a narrator's perspective Character point of view, a character's perspective Point of view character, a character focal in perspective Main character, a central character driving a plot's actions Protagonist, a character experiencing a reversal of fortune due to a story's premises and circumstances: a character in a context with a problem to address.
In any given story, they can all be the same character or in any combination or permutation.
Humor persuades an emotional change in a reader. Empty humor titilates, spectacle. Humor with a message enlightens, comedic or tragic farce, exaltations of the dramatic arts.
I'm struck deeply by the premise that a girlie girl is more interested in whether a boy's checking her out than in enlightened self-preservation, because he's carrying a machine gun. Sweetly oblivious ignorance is bliss. As a title, //Is That Boy With a Machine Gun Checking Her Out,// promises a ripping good story. It's funny and meaningfull all by itself in the way of a good micro-micro fiction story. So many questions it raises. Is it Chekov's machine gun? Will it be fired? What's the fallout? Is there tragedy? Does she lose/loose/unleash her innocence literally? Metaphorically, figuratively? Is there poetic justice in the end?
Parody is humor with a message, perhaps a moral, even a pithy maxim. Thematically balancing the humor with the message is what I see as the challenge of parody. What's the theme? Oblivious to society's actions' effects upon us? So oblivious that they have no effect whatsoever? Indifference is a two-way street. Emotionally indifferent? Funny and meaningful because indifference resonates with a reader's experiences? But doesn't point the fickle finger of blame too directly at readers?
[This message has been edited by extrinsic (edited July 22, 2009).]
posted
The epiphanies are still coming, not as fast and furious and earth shaking recently. They're a desirable benefit of unabated reading, writing, study, responding, and critiquing. My latest epiphany is kind of globally encompassing. Art appreciation is interpreting creative vision. From a creator's inspiration to sharing a creation to an audience response to a meaningful dialogue about the creation, it's all interpreting creative vision that contributes to a discussion of art. Dipping into shimiqua's creative vision opens mine, hopefully without trespassing on hers.
Quips that meaningfully contribute further the art dialogue. Yours above, Natej11, fit the bill in my interpretation.
[This message has been edited by extrinsic (edited July 22, 2009).]
posted
Every story doesn't have to be about major character change, although most good stories have some element of character arc (which may not include *much* change but is typically some kind of change, even if it's just new knowledge that the character gains.)
It sounds like you have a really funny premise. The biggest question is whether there's enough going on in the story to make it fun and readable. There's also nothing wrong with writing a story about a concept - you wanted to write a story about a girl who was oblivious to the action and how that relates to us today.
I'd say from the description it sounds like you're writing an Idea story, from OSC's Character's and Viewpoint MICE concept.
posted
Kinda reminds me of the beginning of Shaun of the Dead. Zombies are destroying the world and the main character doesn't even notice, he goes about his day as if nothing is happening.
Posts: 1895 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Pyre Dynasty, I thought of the same thing! I laughed a lot during those scenes.
The problem is they were a couple of scenes, not the entire movie. I think it would've stopped being funny very, very fast.
I don't know if a story would work when the MC is oblivious all the time. I'd require some change somewhere. Like, first she or he are oblivious and when they finally get a clue, they interpret everything wrong and think the machine gun is part of a late or early Halloween costume. Any change, small, medium or large.
I like the idea, shimiqua. I'd say "you won't know if it works until you write it and have others read it" but I don't follow that advice. I'd love to, but I can't.
posted
Thanks everyone for your comments and opinions.
I decided to do a rewrite similar in form to Shaun of the Dead. She is oblivious in the first three scenes and then when things become too close, she finally gets it. Sort of.
Thanks for the insights! The rewrite is better. ~Sheena
posted
One thing you could do is where she considers the guys with the guns, as no danger to her. It would be like living in a city with police men around her. they are not there to bother her, they are for protection. In that case, the boy with a machine gun is just a nice boy doing something that needs to be done. and he is cute too....
Posts: 1008 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
Thats funny because my story The Festival is sort of like the inverse of what your talking about. The main character is in on the action, but the people around him think its all just part of a show.
Mine was more an allegory of ingrained skepticism and disbelief but still somewhat similar.
I like your idea and I don't think running it through a whole story would have been a problem, but your re-write version is probably what most would consider more realistic.
quote:Every story doesn't have to be about major character change, although most good stories have some element of character arc (which may not include *much* change but is typically some kind of change, even if it's just new knowledge that the character gains.)
I'm glad to hear somebody say this, because I've been getting a lot of feedback lately that indicates people losing sight of this fact. Stories have many components. And there are many types of stories. And I think its best for us as both writers and critiques not to fall into the idea that any of those types or parts are somehow superior to the others.
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