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Author Topic: Win a Crit by Agent Nathan Brandsford
InarticulateBabbler
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I thought a few Hatrackers would be interested in winning a crit from a hot Literary Agent (and an upcoming novel). Just post your "first paragraph" entry here. And good luck.
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Meredith
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I saw that, too.

Just the first paragraph, though. Wow. Not even the first thirteen. Ouch. I'll have to think about that.


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Owasm
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I threw something in that was trimmed down from a previous First 13 opening. It looked like most of those contributing were non-speculative entries.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


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arriki
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I submitted mine about the choir under the Marsport Dome.
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jezzahardin
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I thought about submitting when I saw that, too. But I found myself tempted to alter my story just for the competition.

Not tighten, or polish, or any of that. But actually 'zing' it up, make it more exciting or daring or controversial.

The thing is...I think that would hurt my story. I've put a lot of effort into the pacing, and any changes to paragraph one could ruin it.

So, for those of you who submitted, did you find yourself tempted to do the same? To 'zing' it up?


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arriki
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No. I really liked mine as it is.
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Meredith
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Well, I posted the first paragraph of Blood Will Tell. What the heck. If the query critique has to be for the same work (it doesn't say) I guess that means I'm going to have to start working on the query for this one, too. Just in case.

Have to eventually anyway.


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InarticulateBabbler
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I didn't spice it up any, just posted. But, since there is no limit, I posted my wife's favorite and then mine.


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skadder
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Although the rules state you can only enter once, so I hope you used her name, IB.
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InarticulateBabbler
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Damn. I should've read the rules closer. I was sent there through another link--and that person posted there was no limit to the entries. I get in more trouble that way.

At least I didn't enter ten times...lol.

And there is an inordinate number of entrants that didn't get the "one paragraph" part, so I'm not the only idiot.

[This message has been edited by InarticulateBabbler (edited October 13, 2009).]


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BoredCrow
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Thanks for the link, IB.
And I didn't change my paragraph any... except to fix one sentence that I noticed wasn't as strong as it could be. But that change will stick for the final novel too.

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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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Interesting to read openings even shorter than 13 lines.

I found myself cringing at some of them, and I was interested in others, but I didn't get very far--too much else to read right now.

EDITED TO ADD: Thanks, InarticulateBabbler, for posting the link. Hope we have a Hatrack winner.

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited October 13, 2009).]


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MAP
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I entered one of my openings from one of Skadder's challenges, edited of course from all the great feedback you guys gave me.

I didn't win Skadder's challege so I doubt I'd win this, but there really is no reason not to enter. Unless you feel sorry for Nathan.

[This message has been edited by MAP (edited October 13, 2009).]


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annepin
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Over 1200 entries so far. Yikes. By the time he's done, he'll have read a book! Of course, many of these you can decide whether to read on in the first line or so.

Thanks for the link, IB. Doubly interesting because we'll get a glimpse into his taste. Anyway, I'll throw my hat in the ring at some point. Good luck, all!


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rich
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Yeah, what annepin said. I don't think I read any of the Hatrackers' opening paragraphs (I hope), but some I didn't even have to finish.

I may have to rethink my skepticism on the 13-line theory. I have to point out, in my own defense, that there are now over 1300 entries, and if it didn't grab me right off the bat I said, "nope", and went to the next one.

Ummmm, on the other hand, that's not really a defense is it, since the opening thirteen theory is for that very same reason...

My head hurts.


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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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It's also interesting to notice how many (so far) seem to talk about the point of view character's "worst day in my/her/his life" to the point where it almost becomes cliche.

I think there could be quite a lot to learn just from reading these and seeing what works for us as readers, whether they work for Bransford or not.

We could even vote (here, of course) or at least list the ones we would want to keep reading.

Hmm. Well, it was a thought, anyway.


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wrenbird
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One of my close writer friends won last year's contest. And now Nathan is her agent!

Judging by her work alone, I'd say that he has a soft spot for quirky, funny stuff.

Good luck to everyone who enters!


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extrinsic
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By Thursday's deadline there could easily be 6,000 entries. Although seeing a high number of previous entries could discourage entries, I doubt the pace will slow down appreciably, probably accelerate. I wonder how many paragraphs will even have a first word read, let alone a few words. I didn't get past three words of about half the entries in my first pass. Reading that turns into instinct then skimming the entries will sure give writers a perspective on gatekeepers' nighmares. I took note of how many start off with a static action verb in a direct address form of narration through a narrator's viewpoint rather than a character viewpoint. Look, stand, wait, watch, thought, etc.

[This message has been edited by extrinsic (edited October 13, 2009).]


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BoredCrow
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Add 'X decided' to my list of overdone starts of stories. Particularly because it's something that I've been tempted to start stories with...

We read first 13's here often, but somehow seeing them all at once in a list like that really illustrates both cliched openings and hooks that are too contrived.

Kathleen - once he picks finalists, we could separately vote on them here, just for fun to see if we like what he likes.


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KayTi
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Hmm...I'm scanning through my completed work (and boy do I need to come up with a better file organizational scheme for them!) and realized that my best candidate for this might be the story that starts with a one-sentence paragraph.

Hmm....


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Meredith
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quote:
Hmm...I'm scanning through my completed work (and boy do I need to come up with a better file organizational scheme for them!) and realized that my best candidate for this might be the story that starts with a one-sentence paragraph.

That's got to be better than the slew of them I read that looked like the first three paragraphs (at least) had been slammed together for the contest.


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arriki
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I was just reviewing my entry and discovered that the first line was cut off! How can I fix my entry?

Or, remove it and repost the complete version?


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KayTi
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I think you can edit, arikki, give it a try. Or just delete the previous attempt and re-post another at the end.

I decided against my one sentence paragraph, though it would have been funny. Thought it wouldn't give them enough of a flavor for what my writing is like. Instead I went with dialogue, which most entries lacked entirely. It's from my clone story, which has only recently come back available after hanging in Heinlein contest limbo-land for over a year. Looking forward to submitting it out after this.

I would love to delve into some of the greats and not-so-greats from the contest, though honestly I scanned 1-2 pages of posts (300-400 at the most) and my eyes are starting to go blurry already. Thank heavens it's not MY day job to deal with all these submissions!


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InarticulateBabbler
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This is why all of the arguments about the first thirteen being unimportant are foolish. This is just a glance of what agents and editors look at all the time. If you don't want to read on, what does that say? How important do those thirteen lines/that opening paragraph then become?

As far as editing or deleting, I've tried (to get my 2 entries down to one), and it didn't work. I'm going to try again. and hopefully it pays off.


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Owasm
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Just think of all those openings. 1,600 as of this time. I was thinking how many monkeys...

It's remarkable how derivative so many are. I read about 400 of them... absolutely mind-numbing. Slush reading must be some kind of art. I found myself skimming after while. How easy it must be to have your submission overlooked, all because your story is towards the end of a blurry period before the slush reader grabs another slug of JOLT!


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BenM
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quote:
This is why all of the arguments about the first thirteen being unimportant are foolish. This is just a glance of what agents and editors look at all the time. If you don't want to read on, what does that say? How important do those thirteen lines/that opening paragraph then become?

I couldn't agree more.


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arriki
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I've seen where some people have deleted theirs, but I can't figure out the mechanism whereby they managed to do it.
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rich
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quote:
This is why all of the arguments about the first thirteen being unimportant are foolish.

I think too much weight is given to the first thirteen on this site, but the point is taken. Especially when it's shown by my own experience when reading these opening paragraphs.

However, it must be noted that this is an extreme example since there's one right after the other right after the other. I think with a slush pile, the reader can grab say, ten, and the sense of urgency in reviewing those first ten isn't as acute. It's one thing to look at ten (or even a hundred), and quite another to see over 1700 entries.

If I can get beyond the first thirteen, though, I'd like to say I think it has more to do with "voice" than anything else. There are some paragraphs that are competently written, but I've seen them before, and/or they're just...there. Not floating my boat, so to speak.

I mean, there's nothing really wrong with some of them, they just don't grab me. As KDW mentioned, there's quite a bit of "worst day-itis", and some even seemed to have crammed as much of the story into that one paragraph as they could.

Also, as Owasm said, it does remind us of how easy it is to overlook something that may be quite good because the reader is too tired.


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rich
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I just gotta be a tattletale...

Someone started their paragraph with, "It was a dark and stormy night..."

<sigh> We're never as good as we think we are, are we?


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philocinemas
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Thanks for posting this, IB. I now have renewed faith in the first 13. I posted something from a challenge a year ago - it didn't win, but I still think it was one of the best openings I ever wrote. I guess I'd have to finish it if I won.
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extrinsic
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Dischisms and author surrogate's self-idealization and self-efficacy on my second pass in a significant fraction of the entries.
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KayTi
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quote:
However, it must be noted that this is an extreme example since there's one right after the other right after the other. I think with a slush pile, the reader can grab say, ten, and the sense of urgency in reviewing those first ten isn't as acute. It's one thing to look at ten (or even a hundred), and quite another to see over 1700 entries.

Counter-point, Rich. I read slush for flash fiction online, and I rarely read more than 4-8 stories in one sitting (available time problem on my part.) However, even then I still find that when my eyes glaze over, it's time to reject the item whether I'm one sentence or 500 words into it (our 'zine is a flash venue, so all stories are supposed to be under 1000 words...about 3-4 double-spaced pages, or several "flicks" on my iphone, LOL.)

I don't deny that this pile of paragraphs on Nathan's site is daunting, in a highly unusual way, but for slush reading for a fiction magazine, I do think it is somewhat representative of the mind blur that happens when you read story after story that starts in a stilted or typical way.


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InarticulateBabbler
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quote:
Counter-point, Rich. I read slush for flash fiction online, and I rarely read more than 4-8 stories in one sitting

I might be different if:

a) Flash were valued as highly as publishing a novel

b) You were paid to read it all

c) You were an agent (who most authors would need to sell their books)

Nathan has made comments on his blog about the highly active times, and those in which a lull (which is still more than we'd think) occurs.

My point was: Stand out. This is a perfectly viable study of the type (and amounts) of submissions he recieves. Look at his archives, and you'll see actual stats (by percentages, I believe).

Edited to add: His post for today reveals he's not daunted by the numbers.

[This message has been edited by InarticulateBabbler (edited October 14, 2009).]


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KayTi
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You know I meant the other Rich, right?

And I am 100% with you, IB - stand out. 13 lines is more than many slush/agents/editors will grant you if your work doesn't sparkle.


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InarticulateBabbler
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lol. I do now.
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rich
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See? If you just stick with the lower case 'r', we'll have no problems.

And point taken, guys (or gals as the case may be).


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InarticulateBabbler
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In Wednesday's comments, there is another version of the re-hashed "what needs to be in the opening?" argument. But, Nathan has a way of discouraging dissenters--he deletes them all. Besides, instead of asking whether the openings are important, he poses the question: What Makes A Good First Paragraph?. It's interesting to see the answers--especially when compared to the paragraphs.
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genevive42
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I threw my hat in. We'll see what happens. Thanks for the post.
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philocinemas
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IB, thanks a second time for passing along this link - great stuff! Only, I can't find the opening paragraph comments. Could you throw me a bone, or another link. Thanks.
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Betsy Hammer
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http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2009/10/you-tell-me-what-makes-good-1st.html
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InarticulateBabbler
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quote:
IB, thanks a second time for passing along this link - great stuff! Only, I can't find the opening paragraph comments. Could you throw me a bone, or another link. Thanks.

Just click on "The 3rd Sort-of-Annual Stupendously Ultimate First Paragraph Challenge", wait a minute and scroll down.

[This message has been edited by InarticulateBabbler (edited October 15, 2009).]


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InarticulateBabbler
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Actually, if you click on the original link and scroll down, it has the first page of entries below the post. There's a "newer/newest" option which determines going to the next page of entries (newer) or the last page of entries (newest).

arriki, one of the winners of the last "1st paragraph contest" had a typo. (That winner is also now a client of his.) Good luck.


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extrinsic
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Looks like the posting pace did slow down. On track for three thousand-ish by today's deadline.

My third pass I noted inconsistencies of direct/indirect addresses, grammatical persons, and narrative viewpoints. Not enough content length to determine inconsistencies of psychic access or psychic motility in most of the entries, but then they're single paragraphs mostly. Nor sufficient length for subtext either, in most.


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Owasm
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Less than 2651 entries (there are a number of withdrawns and deleted by blog administrator (I wonder why?????).

I read a few more. It will be interesting to see what Mr. Bransford uses for criteria.

Good luck to all who've entered.


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jezzahardin
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quote:
Less than 2651 entries (there are a number of withdrawns and deleted by blog administrator (I wonder why?????).

I read a few more. It will be interesting to see what Mr. Bransford uses for criteria.

Good luck to all who've entered.


Hiya Owasm,

I think it's pretty clear that he could easily eliminate several for rule breaking (multiple paragraphs!?), a huge chunk for perspective violations, and then pare even more down based on the 'today is the worst day of my life' beginnings. Or the 'waking up' beginnings.

In the end, I think it will still be down to between 500 and 1000, so those would be judged on merit and style and uniqueness or whatever. But initially, I suspect eliminations would be easy.

Best,
Jez


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Teraen
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He has posted the finalists, and quite frankly I am shocked. Only two of them, in my humble opinion, deserve like they were good enough to be considered, and I think they shouldn't have given some of the ones that didn't make it. Given the ones he chose, and some of the good ones that didn't make the cut, I am really wondering what his criteria was...
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LlessurNire
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I too am also shocked, some don't seem that great.

I liked 3 paragraphs: K&M, M, and Miridunn


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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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Did you notice the word cloud at the bottom of the post announcing the finalists? Seems to me that word clouds could be a good way to search for over-used words in a story.
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extrinsic
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Like, apparently, Brandsford's bête noirs include, like, simile. Like, okay, you know.
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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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The word "one" is equally as large.
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