posted
I read somewhere to stay away from using the word "as" to improve my writing, and I strive to do that to making my writing stronger. It's worked, but I was very surprised how well it can be used by a pro. I've been reading "The Darkest Evening of the Year" by Dean Koontz and just came across this one sentence paragraph:
<<Denser than any waves before it, a tide of fog poured down from a crest unseen, as formless as dreams, as weightless as air yet as solid as alabaster, pressing the vehicle as if to encapsulate and fossilize it.>>
If I counted correctly, there are seven "as's" in this one sentence alone, but it still works. I know I wouldn't want to try something like that. Maybe with more experience, lots more experience, but how often do you see a prime example of breaking the rules that works to this degree? Or a sentence this long for that matter. LOL
Also, I haven't finished reading this book. So, please, don't tell me how it ends .
posted
Personally, I'd forget about following any rules like this. A year ago, I would've balked at my own advice. But I've changed my opinion.
Why?
Because I finally accepted the fact that your voice is what will bring readers to you. They'll like the way you tell a story, they'll like the sound of your words in their ears.
But here's the problem. To you, your voice is as bland as stale oatmeal. There's nothing special about it. To you. So when you start trying to follow "the rules," you end up editing your voice -- that which is completely unique to you and your storytelling -- right on out of your manuscript.
The point is, how do you know your writing is stronger because you're staying away from "as"? Has more than one pro writer told you that?
Does this mean you don't need to know the basics of grammar? No, it does not. Because if you don't know grammar, you won't know when you're breaking the rules. So learn the grammar. But at the same time, don't get so hung up on the grammar that you lose your voice.
As Somerset Maugham once said, the first rule of all writing is clarity. If you're clear -- if the reader can understand you -- then you've succeeded. Regardless of the rules.
If you -- or anyone -- is really interested in learning how to write like a pro, the best thing you can do is to copy out 30 to 40 pages of prose of whichever author you like. You'll learn things about writing you can't learn otherwise. Do this with three or four different writers, and your own writing will improve dramatically.
But really, all you need to do is to read a lot and write a lot and trust the creative side of your brain.
A year ago I would've screamed that this was awful advice. But it's not. I took it from Dean Wesley Smith and it's worked miracles for me.
posted
I'm not sure where I've heard it, but I've heard of the rule. Wordcaster's example, of using 'as' in order to describe a simultaneous action in a sentence, is what the rule says should be used sparingly, especially as a dialog tag. Otherwise you get long and distracting descriptions of people doing things while they are doing something else when a more immediate description would suffice.
i.e.
quote:Sally groped for the light switch as she put on her robe. "Where are you going?" John asked as he yawned. "I think I heard something" Sally replied as she reached for the baseball bat she kept beneath the bed. "I didn't hear anything," John complained as he rolled over and went back to sleep.
Regarding metaphor vs simile... when using a metaphor you say one thing 'is' another and it is meant figuratively, not literally (e.g. time is money). When using a simile, you say one thing is "like" or "as" another for comparison (e.g. as flat as a pancake). The rule for use of metaphors and similes is again, avoid their overuse and stay away from clichés.
[This message has been edited by redux (edited March 25, 2011).]
posted
In a lot of ways, Jeff, I agree with you... except for one small detail. I've been told way too often by fellow Hatrackers how much my writing has improved by following guidelines (or rules) that are basic to all writing. I've gone back and read my earlier endeavors and cringe. They're terrible compared to what I write now. Do I still have my voice? Heck yes! It's still there... what makes my writing uniquely mine. That hasn't changed. But my writing has smoothed out and makes tons more sense and adds so much more to my stories.
I should add that I don't edit near like I used to either. That was one of my flaws, and maybe still is, but I'm getting better at it.
But I started this thread because of that one sentence paragraph that put the word "as" to such good use. Koontz continues to amaze me with how he writes and come up with incredible ways to discribe things in completely new and fresh ways. Do I want to emulate him? No way. I have my own voice, my own style, and I want to keep it that way. But that doesn't mean I can't admire (and learn) from how a master writer like Koontz does it.
posted
"Denser than any waves before it, a tide of fog poured down from a crest unseen, as formless as dreams, as weightless as air yet as solid as alabaster, pressing the vehicle as if to encapsulate and fossilize it."
could be written like so:
"Denser than any waves before it, a tide of fog poured down from a crest unseen; formless as dreams, weightless as air yet solid as alabaster, pressing the vehicle as if to encapsulate and fossilize it."
That loses a couple of the "as" occurrences with no loss fo meaning whatsoever. Certainly "as this as that" tends to be a difficult construction to get away with multiple times.
posted
Someone once told me that writers have a tendency to use "as" when "when" should be used. As in "As I walked up the steps I counted them to make sure none were missing. One never knew when the pressboard demon would get hungry. "
Supposedly "When I walked up the steps I counted them." is better. I say supposedly because in some cases, as a reader, I don't see a difference. Sometimes however I can see how it works better.
One editor, of a very small market, told me she always got suspicious when she read as, especially at the beginning of a sentence. But I ask Dean Wesley Smith if most editors felt that way and basically he said no. He has been a pro editor and is still friends with a bunch of them.
In this case I'm not sure if changing a few As-es would change a person's voice. As usual though you can't get rid of them all. And pros will know how to break that rule.
posted
Remember, too, that many "rules" aren't rules at all. There is no rule that you can't end a sentence with a preposition, for example (and far, far better to do it and have a comprehensible sentence than to avoid it and end up with contorted ugliness). There is no rule that you can't split an infinitive. This rule about "as" smacks of one person's personal preference, vaulted to Wisdom because they had some level of authority somehwere, sometime.
quote:Someone once told me that writers have a tendency to use "as" when "when" should be used. As in "As I walked up the steps I counted them to make sure none were missing. One never knew when the pressboard demon would get hungry. "
Supposedly "When I walked up the steps I counted them." is better. I say supposedly because in some cases, as a reader, I don't see a difference. Sometimes however I can see how it works better.
Vaguely equivalent, but different in shade of meaning. In this example, "As" simply puts concurrent timing to the actions. Conversely "When" draws attention to the actions as a specific event, as if it's something notable and different.
Which is why either construction often stands out as a novice attempt to avoid certain words -- it isn't really what was meant, so it glares.
Write to the accuracy of your intent, not to some rule about usage.
[This message has been edited by Reziac (edited March 26, 2011).]
posted
Yeah, my example may not be the best but I was told that on another board that writers use as when another word will do. There were three words but I can only recall when.
Or it might have been this board, back when I first joined.
posted
I think the trick to this “rules” stuff and “rule breaking” is something like this. When you are a novice writer trying to write better, try out some of these rules and see what happens. Take note of which “rules” actually help you write better. Then when you find a place where you think that it works better if you “break” them, do it.
I agree with Dean Wesley Smith, trust your own creative voice. The more different things that you try as you are learning to write the more rich your voice will become.
I’ve had cases where I knew what I was trying to say, and simply couldn’t think of a better way to say it. Then by forcing myself to follow a particular “rule” I was able to break loose and find a different way to say it. The writing was not necessarily better, in fact it was a bit stilted for being forced. But the next time that I wrote something similar I had more options to choose from, and I believe that the writing was much, much better for it.
posted
Science fiction writers have to be careful with metaphors (as OSC pointed out in HOW TO WRITE SCIENCE FICTION AND FANTASY). What can be taken as metaphorical in mainstream fiction can actually be taken as descriptive in science fiction.
OSC used as an example something along the lines of "the baggage train snaked its way across the tarmac" which, in mainstream fiction would be taken to mean that it zig-zagged, but in science fiction could be taken to mean that the baggage train was a snake of some kind.
Samuel R. Delany coined the term "subjuntive tensions" for terms that are usually metaphorical, but which could be taken literally, such as "his eyes dropped to the table" or "as the family sat at breakfast, the morning sun came in the window."
Metaphorical language that can be taken literally in the above way is the kind of metaphorical language to be avoided by all writers--also another reason to be careful of cliches, which such metaphors tend to be.
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