Some things I caught;

It says they dont know why they are hostages, but then it states they must turn traitor, which suggests thats why they had been caught. Id lose the "and they hav no idea why.

I'm not sure Ironic is the word you want to use. Irony would be like what happened to Spritzer in the news recently. he used to bust peeps using prostitutes, and now got busted himself. I would consider losing ironic.

Last sentence runs on to next tuesday! lol just chop it into a couple of sentences.

"Del and his team of junior StarScouts are the hostages of the *notorious* Gadion Faction, and they have no idea why. All Del knows is that he has a alien poison flowing in his veins, and his captors have the *life-saving* antidote, but it comes with a *terrible* price. Del and his team must _turn traitor_ and do the Faction's _bidding_, or Del dies an *excruciating* death. For Del, the situation is both *deadly* [redundant here] and ironic, for he carries a dark secret. Years before, Del's father, a *renowned* StarScout, *mysteriously* disappeared, and rumors _arose_ that he had crossed over to the very organization that now held [tense change: HOLDS] Del."

Oh dear. That's a lot of adverbs. I can't write a query "hook" for you, but this is as much space as you probably want to devote to the story, and all those make it seem like you're self-blurbing.
Instead of "notorious", you should convey what they do that's notorious: They're the enemy in the story! They deserve screentime! A compelling antagonist is going to help your query out a lot, as that's a basic weakness in a lot of novels and, therefore, the queries for them. Most of the others are for emphasis and actually detract.

It doesn't quite work to hook me, although it is close, because it's too dense. You have a bit more room in a query to develop the plot line. Use the time. Since it's not a story you can post the whole query.

My take:

quote:

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Del and his team of junior StarScouts this makes them sound a bit like boy scouts. And since the team vanish from the query, you might not want to mention them at all are the hostages of the notorious Gadion Faction This doesn't give me any sense of who the Faction is and how it relates to his being a StarScout , and they the Faction have no idea why. All Del knows is that he Maybe - Now Del has alien poison flowing in his veins, and his captors have the life-saving life saving is assumed so you can cut this word antidote, but it comes with a terrible price. Del and his team must turn traitor to whom? and do the Faction's bidding at auction? Something concrete would help , or Del dies an excruciating death but his team gets to pick daisies . For Del, the situation is both deadly and ironic, for he carries a dark secret. Years before, Del's father, a renowned StarScout, mysteriously disappeared, and rumors arose that he had crossed over to the very organization that now held Del.

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The last two sentances seem disconnected although I know that this is really the heart of the story.

Maybe:

When Del seeks to redeem his father by joining the StarScouts he was thought to have betrayed, Del finds himself faced with an impossible choice: become a traitor like his father or a corpse. Poisioned by the Gadion Faction, Del must steal the Evil Robot Monkey King's Dark Matter, the substance his father was accused of stealing, to obtain the antidote.

StarScout Del Baldura’s death from the Garther’s Ape venom will be slow, excruciating and certain. The cure as painful, for the poison’s antidote lay in the hands of his captors, the terrorist group Gadion Faction, who are the anathema of everything the StarScouts stand for, and all that Del cares about. Their offer – become one of us, disavow the Oath – and live. If not . . . die.

But to turn against his own teammates, Tala, vivacious, yet troubled, Sami, spontaneous, undisciplined, Nagor, brooding, brilliant, and Shanon, beautiful and quick-witted. And what of ScoutMaster Tarracas, who brought Del into StarScout Command, even though he knew of the alleged cross-over of Del’s own father to the Gadions years before after a disastrous mission failure on Froma IV. Was Del’s life worth this cruel price: betrayal of trust, dishonor, and to forever forfeit walking the Star Trails “Out There”?

Del chooses the antidote – and life. His answer of whether it was worth the cost comes through a series of heroic adventures: saving a teammate from the ripping clutches of a giant acid tsunami, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with this teammates as they fight ferocious alien beasts , and in a climatic final moment, offering up his own life in battle against an alien warrior race. Each act of courage and selfishness cleanses Del of the poison of guilt and frees him of the stain of the past.

Alpha Prime is a young adult science fiction novel set three-hundred years in the future, when humanity is fast exploring the surrounding space of Terra and opening up new, exotic worlds. The novel revolves around 18-year old Del Baldura, the son a discredited StarScout father, who dreams of becoming a StarScout in his own right, and redeeming name and family. Through courage and sacrifice, Del discovers the meaning behind the words of the Oath, and a conviction that of their own free will, neither he nor his father would ever break that solemn vow