posted
Would really, really like volunteers to read the first five pages.
“Where the heck is Trey?” Sarah Smith asked Davis. She sat across from him with a circular, wooden table between the two at the kitchen’s center. In the five months they had known one another, this was the first time Sarah had actually been allowed to step foot in Davis’s home. And what a lovely one it was. The kitchen’s linoleum wall was painted with a white color, the floor beneath them covered in yellow tiles. She didn’t know why Davis was so ashamed of this. “He said he’d be here in ten minutes,” Davis noted after a shrug, “but that was thirty minutes ago.” Sarah rolled her eyes. Today was a Saturday and the three were supposed to be spending the entire weekend over at Davis’s house.
[This message has been edited by Erice W (edited October 29, 2008).]
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited October 29, 2008).]
posted
OK I can picture 2 teenagers talking to one another across a table in a unremarkable kitchen. And a friend is not there yet...but it is so common I don't feel any curiousity as to why Trey is missing or late. What could be added to spice this up? Perhaps it's raining cats and dogs outside and they are worried he might have went off the road because Trey is such a crazy driver as his friends all know. Perhaps he was abducted by aliens and they are hovering over their house as they speak. Make me worried about Trey.... Posts: 690 | Registered: Oct 2008
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posted
I want to know more about where a story is going (be it published work or up for critique) before I read a whole 5 pages. I think this first paragraph could use much more sparkly story-fun and less set-up of normalcy.
Posts: 218 | Registered: Apr 2007
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