The Oneirophage reclined against the gore-stained pillows of his bed, sipping dreams from the brain of a purple eunuch, the Umbilicus in one hand, a prism goblet full of blood in the other. He was surrounded by carnage. Twenty-seven limbless bodies lay across the blankets and on the floor around the bed, the remnants of a mass sacrifice earlier that evening. The Oneirophage had many wounds to heal after the previous night's battle with the Necrodelic, and had augmented the numbers of the day's prey with the remaining bodies from his flesh reservoirs. The debris of that battle still littered his bedchamber. The floor, walls, and ceiling were all stained
scarlet. Some of the blood was his own, some the Necrodelic's, and some had been spilled from his own Darkprism, as the death-smoker

[This message has been edited by Brant Danay (edited March 16, 2009).]

--that's better. The smell of putrefying bodies got to me back there.

Where was I? Oh. Other than the odiferous bedchamber there is a big continuity problem over what happened. First of all a mass sacrifice caused the carnage last night. Then it's a battle with the Necrodelic the previous night, then everything is topped up with 'material' from the flesh reservoirs.

My second issue? What happened to all the limbs? That's over a hundred various arms and legs (perhaps severed heads thrown in as well?) I would think all of that might add to the carrion-litter.

You might think about simplifying your opening to focus on one of the three events. The most interesting might be the fight with the Necrodelic. Was that in a previous chapter? The scene you describe is knee deep in gore (oh, wait, do I still have a knee? Let me look. Whew. The Oneirophage missed them both.)

Hope that helps clean things up a bit. (...sorry gotta leave, round two is coming up, literally!)

- Owasm