The following is the first 13 (or so) from a novel that I have recently begun. The opening of the novel is intended to be a brief prologue that creates a “hook” and imparts an understanding for the reader of the importance of astrological knowledge and wonder to the principle race of characters in the novel and how this shapes their future. This prologue obviously only begins to take shape within the first thirteen lines.

This is my first ever, uncoerced, request for critique of any kind relative to my writing. I would like to thank all in advance for the constructive criticism.

First 13 (or so):

To the naked eye of mortal men, the birth of a star comes as a fire-fly’s glow out of the veiled blackness of night. It comes as suddenly as remembering, marking a far-off place in the vast heavens and illuminated by some magical mystery of a strange cosmic anatomy. These radiant sources of wonder have long guided and inspired the minds of men, and other kinds alike. Many employ them as celestial tools; light where there is none other, language when there be no common tongue, and truth when no other way may be found. Others look to them as the eyes of many watchful Gods, and there are those who claim the future may be seen within their collective composition. They are ever gazed upon by those who live and die beneath them with wonder and great envy of a boundless, immortal sky.

I don't have any idea of what the story is though. I don't have any clue who the characters are, or even where in this vast universe the story takes place. Without characters, the story seems almost a lesson in Astronomy.

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Awesome. Keep writing.
Srsly, i like it. I can't think of any change that this opening would need.
But don't ask for crits at this early stage, do it when you're more comfortable with what you wrote, any kind of crit might negatively impact you at this early stage. Unless you can shrug it off.

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I am glad you liked it. I suppose if I am venturing into writing and sharing my work I best be able to shrug off some criticism. Thanks Lionhunter!

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I also dig it. My favorite line is the "...men, and other kinds alike." Keep writing.

I don't have any idea of what the story is though. I don't have any clue who the characters are, or even where in this vast universe the story takes place. Without characters, the story seems almost a lesson in Astronomy.

Luckily, I always loved my astronomy classes. I'd keep reading, but name someone soon.
~Sheena

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Thanks for the feedback Sheena! You make a good observation that there is no indication yet of where the story is going. I suppose it is difficult for that to come across in my first 13 lines of prologue. I am beginning to think that these lines will actually need a lead-in that has more of a hook.

The intent, in terms of theme, of these lines isn't clear within the first thirteen. These lines are actually intended to be from a memoire (of historical significance in the story). The theme of which is really moving past the sublime, dogmatic view of the heavens (to which the stars belong)to an understanding of it in terms of it's mortal and material connection to all life. At least that is the theme the author intends, which will be carried throughout the novel in many ways.

Thanks again!