posted
I've taken another whack at the synopsis for BLOOD WILL TELL. Here's the first paragraph:
quote: Valeriah has enough problems. To start off with, she’s half werewolf, driven with manic energy and a taste for very rare red meat every full moon, but she’s also one-quarter unicorn. That gives her great healing powers, but it also forces her to be vegetarian at the new moon. Her whole life has been complicated by trying to balance these incompatible sides of her nature, running out the frenzy of the full moon to keep her werewolf nature in check. But that hasn’t dulled her need for revenge.
Is anybody willing to read the whole thing? It's just under 1000 words.
posted
I hope you don't mind, but I did a little rewrite. It is just an opinion on what might work better, so take what you want and chuck the rest.
Valeriah has problems. Half werewolf, she is driven with manic energy and a taste for very rare red meat every full moon. Unfortunately, she is also one-quarter unicorn giving her great healing powers and the need to be vegetarian at the new moon. Her whole life is a struggle to balance these incompatible sides of her nature.
Not knowing the story, I didn't know what or how to work with this part. "running out the frenzy of the full moon to keep her werewolf nature in check. But that hasn’t dulled her need for revenge."
Also, I'll gladly read it for you if you want. Very interesting concept. I want to know the story behind how such a thing could happen. Part unicorn, part werewolf, part human?
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