I would appreciate feedback on the first lines of this YA novel in progress. Thanks.
It just wasn’t fair. I was only 16 when the pre-dawning nightmares began and they shouldn’t have started until I turned nineteen. Why was I so different? “Every body’s different.” My boyfriend Jude had said. He ought to know. Until a year ago, he thought he was human. Stop daydreaming about Jude. I glanced at the dashboard clock, and stepped on the gas pedal, going slightly over the speed limit to make up for lost time. Finally, diving down the hill, a vista of San Diego tract houses presented themselves, a myriad of tile roofs had replaced the unsafe old shake roofs that might ignite from canyon fires fed by a stray match and the Santa Anna winds. Fire fascinated me. It was mom’s idea for me to skip my last class. I parked my old Honda in front and got out of the car. I knew she’d be frantic.
Posts: 67 | Registered: Mar 2013
| IP: Logged |
Thanks for posting. The first part where the narrator is lamenting her problem feels like an info dump. The question also pulls me out of the story - FWIW I really don't need it because the previous sentence gives me the sense the narrator is different. For immediacy, the paragraph might start with the glance at the dashboard and acceleration, but it's your call. I wonder if you could intersperse the driving activity with the thoughts to make it feel more natural and give the reader a sense of movement.
Posts: 119 | Registered: Aug 2012
| IP: Logged |