posted
A tiny blue spark danced in the stone chip's depth. Few passed the Vortyl race, realized such a spark existed, even in the smallest object. Fewer still saw it... or bothered to look. And only a handful, in the last generation, could coax that spark into giving itself up to the vision and purpose of the smith. And he, Marley Stonebender, purveyor of runic enchantments and sigils of power, was one of those few individuals. As a master runesmith of the dragon order, he, in fact, wore the mantle of the only runemaster. He sighed, shaking his head and set the stone back on his workbench. Not that the work he did as a harper-come-scribe wasn't important. No, he thought, it was more important than ever, what with Sedd crouching in the east like a poisonous Myrawa Marsh Cat.
Revision 1 The note made its way across the wood-planked floor in fits and bursts. In a different situation, Marley might have seen the humor, but he needed that piece of parchment and it headed toward the fire. He dove for the page, a curse under his breath and a growl in his throat. Once again the sheet eluded him, flipped up into the air and floated into the hearth. He rolled his eyes skyward and shook his fist as the flames consumed the paper. “The only line I remember is… A dragon’s heart from the heart of sorrow,” he said to the empty room. “The line I didn’t write,” he lamented with a sigh. Marley brow furled when he caught a slight movement in his peripheral vision and he swatted at the air and roared “Show yourself, imp. Your games have gone from tiresome to annoying and…”
I'm sure you will get a more in-depth critique from other's here. I'm just going to start with the basics.
Stone chip's depth - shifted me right into reverse from the start. Not a good thing. I had to reread the sentence several times to try and understand it.
A tiny blue spark danced in the - then crash.
Next line, same thing, had to reread it. "Passed" just really kills the sentence.
You are giving the reader a lot of broad information in this first paragraph, you should try and focus the reader's interest. Like how Marley finds the spark within the stone. Give us something to be wowed by. Just by what he does should show us he's a master of his craft. Give us insight into why the spark is so hard to find, then we'll know why Marley stands above all other smiths.
posted
In this you, the author, are talking to a reader who can't hear the emotion in your voice, and who expected to be made to live the story.
quote:A tiny blue spark danced in the stone chip's depth.
Blue is a color of light. But given that this spark occurs within a piece of stone (a chip would hardly seem to have noticeable depth), I see two problems. First, who cares if they don't know it's there? Only you know why the spark is important enough to matter. So to the reader it's a meaningless "fact." My point is that anything you mention, for which the reader lacks context, is meaningless to that reader. Sure, you know what it signifies. But you can't make a second first impression, and to the reader this is meaningless, as-they-read.
quote: Few passed the Vortyl race, realized such a spark existed, even in the smallest object.
Two serious problems. First, I have no clue of what the first five words mean, other than a suspicion that you actually mean "past," and also forgot a comma after the first word. Tha's pretty sloppy editing. And, I don't know if the Vortyl race involves cars, boats, or anything that can be raced, or, some unknown people who live at an known spot in time and space. So basically, you're talking about things that are meaningless to anyone but you.
Next, if pretty much everything has this spark it it, as you say, (I'm pretty sure I don't), why did you mention it happening in "the" stone, as though the reader knows which one you mean, and as if it was both important and unique?
Bottom line: You're winging it, writing whatever comes to mind, and haven't done your homework, so far as acquiring the specialized knowledge and skills of writing fiction for the page.
And as a result the story is out of control. I strongly suggest that you spend some time, and a few dollars on your writer's education. The library's fiction writing section is a great resource. And, there are lots of articles on writing fiction online, some of them mine.
Posts: 263 | Registered: Dec 2016
| IP: Logged |
posted
I am lost. Adrift on a seemingly endless sea of words which mean nothing to me. What's with the blue spark, and why should I care? Who is Marley Stonebenber, what's his problem, desire, or needs, and why should I care?
There's a whole lot of information in these opening words but what do I really need to know to understand what's going on? And what do I need to know about Marley Stonebenber and his problems in order to give a fig about what happens to him.
Help me understand, and make me care about what's at stake. There is something at stake, isn't there?
Posts: 114 | Registered: Jun 2017
| IP: Logged |
Event: meditative thought Setting: a workshop Characters: a rune smith present and a nemesis or villain not present Complication: a remote problem in the distant east, no want given Conflict: not given Tone: proud Narrative point of view: third person detached limited omniscient, simple past tense, indicative mood Genre: high fantasy Audience: middle grade to young adult
The tone and circumstances fit high fantasy's conventions, fable-like fairy-folk tale in an in-scene depiction method rather than fables' summary paraphrase tradition. However, prose's overall setting development is often more prominent, and characters interact from the get-go, rather than start out alone. The latter is a challenge to compose. A foil character more easily and more appealingly satisfies prose's want for persona interaction to develop dramatic events, settings, characters, complications, conflicts, and tones.
In all, an above average appreciation for the genre's conventions with a few craft drawbacks. Reader engagement purposes want swift and soon complication (motivations) and conflict (stakes at risk) development, either victimism or proactivism drama. Victimism entails a persona done to by external agents and thus soon incited to proactive efforts to satisfy such problems. Proactivism starts out from the get-go into want motivations and which problems then arise to impede satisfaction thereof. Dramatic incitement and reader engagement begin from motivations and stakes introductions.
The fragment's final line does somewhat start complication and conflict introduction. Soon enough, perhaps, for a novel. As is, the fragment is a backstory summary prologue, a tell that shades toward in-scene show, consistent progression that direction, though. Perhaps not soon enough if other signals in the fragment intimate the writing and story craft are wanting.
Like grammar, several grammar errors and glitches that bring the fragment down.
"A tiny[,] blue spark danced in the stone chip's depth." Takes the comma, a parallel adjective phrase. Does Stonebender see-see the spark with his eyes? Or with his mind? Or spirit? Some clarity wanted regardless. Is "stone" an apt word, or is it a gemstone or crystal?
The image that comes to mind, after interpretation that stalls reading comprehension ease, is of a sunstone, appears frosty opaque yet a silven flicker visible inside when polarized sunlight is viewed through the one translucent axis' crystalline lattice. Ancient Nordic mariners used sunstones to determine cloudy daytime Sun position for an east-west direction finder and somewhat north-south latitude, along with a primitive astrolabe. Seemed like magical navigation to persons unaware of the method.
"Few passed the Vortyl race, realized such a spark existed, even in the smallest object." Clunky syntax, subject-predicate error, and a wrong word or two. "Few" is the noun case that is the subject of the second clause's predicate "realized." Homonym error "passed."
"existed" is a static state-of-being stasis verb: static voice, wants another verb to indicate span of visibility. Perpetual? A "spark" is a short-lived circumstance. The sound of the word "spark" is poetically apt, though not its true meaning.
Past preposition case to mean "beyond the capacity, range, or sphere of" (Webster's) is apt though of uncommon usage.
Recast for illustration purposes:
//Past [or Other than or Beyond] the Vortyl race, few [none*] realized such an interior sparkle [or glitter, shine, brilliance, fire, flare, ember, etc.] lay within even the smallest thing.//
"none" is more definite, hence, more apt, and affords later occasion for Stonebender to discover by surprise a non-Vortyl rune smith, a naive rune worker, an initiate, or an adept, plus eliminates a possible repetition nuisance with close proximity "Fewer." "few," as is, perhaps untimely telegraphs Stonebender will, indeed, meet another rune worker.
A brilliant craft facet of the internal "light" motif, though, is a possible objective correlative that intimates what the overall novel's narrative contest is about; that is, a struggle to bring forth enlightenment. A smart subconscious plant!? (For both "objective correlative" and "smart subconscious plant," see "Being a Glossary of Terms Useful in Critiquing Science Fiction" by Clarion workshops' David Smith, SFWA hosted.)
"Fewer still saw it... or bothered to look" The intensive adverb "still" confuses meaning. Fewer continued further to see, what, the spark within the stone? Or fewer yet ever saw it? "still" modifies "Fewer" or "saw" or both? The word "still" is unnecessary and inapt as well.
Likewise the ellipsis points. The sentence is already complete, not an ellipsis figure of speech, which warrants ellipsis points. If the sentence object "it" were left out, then the ellipsis points would be apt. Plus, if a typeface is proportional, Hatrack's display typefaces are, spaces separate the points. The intent and meaning of the sentence, also, gibe with that above-noted objective correlative motif, a masterful craft feature or astute intuition or smart subconscious plant?
"to look" likewise is unnecessary. Writers' trust that readers interpret and infer in the reading moment, given enough content, leaves readers believe they're smarter than what they read, a powerful yet subtle appeal.
//Few saw . . . or bothered.//
That, too, aside from the genuine ellipsis, uses ellipsis points a fantasy convention way; that is, signals a stronger speech or thought pause than a comma, period, dash, or other punctuation. (A stream of consciousness convention, too.)
"And only a handful[,] in the last generation[,] could coax that spark into giving itself up to the vision and purpose of the smith." Stray commas and wordy.
"And he, Marley Stonebender, purveyor of runic enchantments and sigils of power, was one of those few individuals." Likewise wordy. Now another "And" sentence start. Now another "few" in short succession.
"As a master runesmith of the dragon order, he, in fact, wore the mantle of the only runemaster." Unnecessary conjunction word "As," plus another sentence in short succession that starts with a conjunction: invariant syntax glitch. Both "As" and "a" could be left off and not change the sentence meaning. Maybe "dragon" wants capital case, a proper noun.
"He sighed, shaking his head[,] and set the stone back on his workbench." Missed comma. Neither sighs nor head shakes impart emotional texture by their lonesomes. A head shake only means a negative response, for instance, no. The first empty sigh of a narrative is often cause for decline. Oh no, will sighs and excited noises and meaningless gestures without emotional texture, why in particular, litter the whole narrative? Why does he sigh, shake his head, and set the stone aside?
Note too, the clumsy and unnecessary tense shift from simple past to present progressive to irregular verb present and past "set": sighed, shaking, set. Verb sequence mistake. Thank Providence, not the usual sit-set mistake too often seen from inexperienced writers.
People are often unaware they sigh, not a viewpoint glitch per se. As is, the fragment favors a detached narrator's viewpoint of Stonebender, from the outside looks in, and lightly accesses his internal perspective, from the inside looks outward.
That viewpoint type is a traditional novel technique. However, high fantasy favors close limited omniscient access emphasis to one persona from the inside and looks outward. The gradual narrative distance closing movement up to the point of the sigh is apt, then pulls way back out again to solely narrator, and, at the time, best practice closes in more, and closes in for the rest of the paragraph.
"Not that the work he did as a harper-[cum]-scribe wasn't important." "come" "cum" homonym mistake. Negation statement, sentence fragment, a litotes: affirms the positive opposite of a negation statement, a type of irony. Stronger emphasis would clearer signal the irony is intended and ease readers access to the irony. Ironic, master rune smith Stonebender is reduced to a performing monkey clerk for his livelihood.
"No, he thought, it was more important than ever, what with Sedd crouching in the east like a poisonous Myrawa Marsh Cat."
Which is important, harper-cum-scribe or rune smith? Logic lapse. Tagged direct thought, signaled by "he thought." An apt and timely attribution for novel narratives, long prose generally, and also high fantasy. Avoid any "it" uses practical; those signal lazy imaginations and craft efforts.
Now "important" twice with no development of why, though the sentence end refers to a poisonous villain of no as yet immediate and nearby peril given. Also, though -ing words are often apt grammar, those are as often grammar errors, tense shift mistakes, and can become a ring-rhyme nuisance, a composition disease according to Damon Knight, and too easily used for sentence run-ons and not simultaneous actions that are impossible. Climbing the hill, he summitted its peaking crest, taking a rune stone from his pocket. Nope, not possible. //The hill climbed, summitted the peak, he took a rune stone from a pocket.//
"crouching . . . like a poisonous Myrawa Marsh Cat." Simile. How does a marsh cat crouch, or squat? About to shed water? What is the intended image and point? Sedd is as vile as a Myrawa marsh cat about to pounce from sinister ambush onto witless prey? Lowercase common nouns, by the way.
"YA/NA," the preferred marketplace and culture label for eighteen- to twenty-five-year-old is early adult, from primary grade to middle grade to young adult to early to middle to late adult. "New" doesn't fit the sequence's coordinate and parallel progression.
I would not read on as an engaged reader, owed most to grammar glitches, though a few artful facets warrant further reading considerations.
posted
Static. Nothing is happening here. Especially in YA, but really for everyone, the first thing you have to do is make me care about someone or something. I'm not going to care about a blue spark--not to start with, anyway. Whoever the main character is, you have to make me care about that person. And one of the best ways to do that is to have them trying to do something, not gazing into a pretty piece of rock. It doesn't have to be something earth-shattering. It doesn't even (possibly shouldn't be) anything to do with the main story problem (which we might not even learn about until about 10% of the way into the story), but it should be something. BTW, one of my favorite fantasy books starts with the character walking down the road--but drops in so many subtle clues that things are not what they seem that I can't help turning the pages (and I already know the answers, but it still catches me every time).
Also info-dumpy. Do I really need to know that this guy is Vortyl (whatever that is), a master runesmith, and a harper-cum-scribe in the very first paragraph? Wouldn't it be better to let that information dribble in as needed?
Also, if this is indeed YA, or even NA, I really hope Marley isn't the main character. YA normally has an MC of about 16 or 17. NA normally has an MC between 18 and 25. If he's earned all these titles and learned all these careers, he's not likely in the target range.
Parts of the first draft of my current WIP were info-dumps, too. Something I have to smooth out in the revisions. And this will be my tenth completed-through-revisions novel.
Posts: 4633 | Registered: Dec 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
Thanks everyone so much, This was my 4th attempt at the opening scene, I knew it was wrong, but I have been looking at it for so long I could no longer see it. The novel is done and I am working on the first edit. And now that someone, besides people that like me a whole lot, have pointed out its misses I can see I need to start a page later and slowly work in the missed info. Is it alright to post another try at it later? Either way, thank you all for the help.
Posts: 4 | Registered: Apr 2015
| IP: Logged |
posted
A link to the narrative walexander recommends: "Squalor and Sympathy" Matt Dovey.
Subsequent fragment revisions best practice post as edits to the original post, labeled, for example, version 1, or revision 2, etc., writer's choice, and a post added to give notice of e new version. That keeps fragment posts organized and easy to locate and to respond.
A consideration is to include a novel title, even if a working title. Maybe a final title is held back so that browsers don't index it and then expose a work in progress to potential publishers who might bicker about rights.
Also, an apt title can inform a work. Many of the more appealing titles are strongly memorable and intimate what a work is truly about: thematically, metaphorically, suggestively. Less imaginative titles more so declare what a work is superficially about, often a character name and a complication, sometimes a place, sometimes a complication event, setting, and character. Harry Potter titles follow that latter manner, for example.
Titles can be a challenge, yet a working one or final one can also define an overall narrative, though best practice not telegraph the dramatic movement (plot). Plus, a publisher might change a title anyway. Apt titles stick.
High fantasy title conventions suggest up front that a narrative is high fantasy. Sword, Crystal, Elves, and the like are used overmuch, yet some titles that contain much used words nonetheless are memorable and apt. Mind that the usual audience for high fantasy is on the young side, so simple titles that consider easy reading comprehension and familiarity can fit.
From the fragment, this novel entails suitable place, character, and event names for titles, plus, an overall complication contribution of a sole rune master. "Stonebender" goes far for a fitting title's arts. Maybe by itself. Or The Lone Stonebender? Or Stonebender Runesmith? Or Stonebender Runesmith and the Eastern Menace?
posted
I have posted another version. Hopefully this time with more of a hook. Thanks for taking a look. The book's name will be Dragon's Eggs and Spirit Stones. Right now it is 113,000, but I am only 1/3 through the first edit and I do love me some words.
Posts: 4 | Registered: Apr 2015
| IP: Logged |
Now a bridge complication of a mischievous imp causes problems that impede Marley's current want (motivations), a suitable and adequate complication introduction.
Narrator report of the action. Written-word culture anymore favors narrators who step aside and let a character perceive and respond to stimuli from an inside looks outward perspective.
Of forty-two or so combined narrative points of view and viewpoints and degrees of access to characters' internal life, Damon Knight refuses thirteen possibles, one or two he doesn't note that are part of current narrative methods, if not most favored for longer prose. Creating Short Fiction, 1971, "Viewpoint," pages 122 - 135. Knight generalizes somewhat the omniscient narrative point of view, and limited omniscient, yet misses the multiple viewpoint selective omniscient and selective omnipresent narrative point of view present-day conventions, sans irrational viewpoint switches, known from fan fiction forums as "head hopping."
The first revision's narrative point of view is consistent, is Knight's detached variant: central character is narrator reported from outside looks in, other characters from outside looks in, and third person. Susanna Clarke's Jonathan Strange and Mr Morrell, 2010, high fantasy alternate history, is that narrative point of view. Though that one is uncommon anymore, it once was the favored narrative point of view circa seventeen hundreds through early twentieth century and all of Scriptures.
One alternate facet of the detached type through later twentieth century is a third-person narrator expresses the strongest tone, bystander-like: strongest and clear emotional attitude toward topics and subjects, sometimes ironic, satiric, or sarcastic, and other emotional states, like outrage, etc. Jonathan Strange somewhat follows that traditionalist custom.
If the fragment cued up a notable narrator attitude, that would work for me. I'd probably be hopelessly engaged. As is, the revision is, for me, too emotionally flat in either narrator or central character tone.
The first version's somewhat "cultured" language sophistication intimated a strong narrator tone, apt for high fantasy, though blunted by grammar considerations.
First revision's grammar and language considerations:
"In a different situation, Marley might have seen the humor, but he needed that piece of parchment and it headed toward the fire."
In general, avoid needless contraction joins, "but" and "and". A run-on sentence in any case. Best practice recast otherwise independent clauses into separate sentences. Conjunction joins often invert logical causation, illustration below. Does Marley see-see humor? For fantastic fiction, metaphors and everyday idioms can confuse whether a figure of speech is figurative or meant to be literal. "headed" is a nautical term, now anymore a modern everyday conversation idiom.
//The parchment scrap flapped toward the fire. Marley needed the scanty leather thing. He might have enjoyed the humor in a less urgent situation.//
"Once again[,] the sheet eluded him"
Conjunctive adverb phrases take comma separation.
"He rolled his eyes skyward and shook his fist _as_ the flames consumed the paper."
Another conjunction join that runs an independent idea into the end of another sentence idea and confuses causation: "as." Not simultaneous "while," "when," or "as." The flames consume the "paper" first (foolscap), then Marley rolls eyes and then shakes fist, the natural event progression. Late Medieval period parchment is a split lamb or goat skin leaf prepared for accepting writing. Vellum is a split cowhide and less delicate writing leaf. Opinions vary about which constitutes what, leather regardless. (Wikipedia)
"'The only line I remember is…'" Microsoft Word's proprietary ellipsis points glyph. Bothers publication project editors no end; or in ye olden days, for similar nonstandard manuscript inventions, typesetters.
"Marley brow furled when he caught a slight movement"
Marley's brow? "caught" is a very recent everyday idiom used to mean see quickly and briefly, scantly.
"his _peripheral vision_"
A sudden language change mid sentence from a somewhat everyday modern mien to a scientific mien.
"_and_ he swatted at the air and roared"
Another needless and faulty conjunction join.
"Your games have _gone_" Would grown be more apt, the milieu's period language maybe, and more dynamic?
I would not read on as an engaged reader. I feel the novel holds promise, particularly the combination of Stonebender and sole master rune smith, yet, so far, doesn't excite me to read.
quote:Originally posted by dfburks: The note made its way across the wood-planked floor in fits and bursts. In a different situation, Marley might have seen the humor, but he needed that piece of parchment and it headed toward the fire. He dove for the page, a curse under his breath and a growl in his throat. Once again the sheet eluded him, flipped up into the air and floated into the hearth. He rolled his eyes skyward and shook his fist as the flames consumed the paper. “The only line I remember is… A dragon’s heart from the heart of sorrow,” he said to the empty room. “The line I didn’t write,” he lamented with a sigh. Marley brow furled when he caught a slight movement in his peripheral vision and he swatted at the air and roared “Show yourself, imp. Your games have gone from tiresome to annoying and…”
Much better.
quote:The note made its way across the wood-planked floor in fits and bursts.
Personally, I wouldn't start with a note as the subject of the first sentence. And the "made it's way" almost makes it sound sentient. Okay, we find out the cause at the end of this fragment, but it's still a slightly confusing way to start.
quote:He dove for the page, a curse under his breath and a growl in his throat.
He can curse under his breath and growl in his throat at the same time? Talented. Most of us can't. You try it.
quote:He rolled his eyes skyward and shook his fist as the flames consumed the paper. “The only line I remember is… A dragon’s heart from the heart of sorrow,” he said to the empty room. “The line I didn’t write,” he lamented with a sigh.
We already know Marley is the one speaking because of the bit of action (rolling his eyes, etc.) at the beginning of the paragraph. No further tag is needed, though I suppose there's no harm in adding one if you want to. Two--said and lamented--is overkill.
Posts: 4633 | Registered: Dec 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
For me, a much improved start with a character in movement. In this case conflict. Albeit the conflict is a seemingly inconsequential one, chasing an errant piece of parchment. However it is soon revealed the parchment does not in fact have a mind of it’s own; Marley is being bedevilled by an imp.
Conflict, no matter how small and seemingly unimportant, is the preferred vehicle for introducing character. Marley’s personality can be revealed through his actions under stress. Best practice though is to relate this small character want with the larger dramatic one. The revelation there is am imp in the room is a simple and direct way of telling the reader this all takes place in a fantastical world.
What doesn’t work for me are the grammatical and punctuation glitches. Much more work needed in this area as these are causes for a form rejection letter from a publisher. You say you love your words, so take this advice as well meant: put a dictionary beside your keyboard. Look up every word you write, especially the words you are certain you know the meaning of: a flag might furl, or be furled, however you can’t do that with a brow. But you can furrow one.
Hope this helps.
Posts: 114 | Registered: Jun 2017
| IP: Logged |
posted
Again, you, the author, are explaining what happens, as if you’re watching the film version and reporting on it, with editorial comments as necessary. But those comments are given as if the reader caught the nuance of expression on the protagonist actor’s face, and knows the backstory as you do. So what the reader is getting is an informational experience. They know what happened, and how he responded, yes, but not why he did that as against something else So can he be our avatar if we don’t know that? Are we, as readers, seeking to be entertained or informed?
quote: The note made its way across the wood-planked floor in fits and bursts.
How can it be “the note,” if we don’t know where we are in time and space, what’s going on, or whose skin we wear? How can we know why he’s upset if we don’t know that the destruction of the paper thwarted?
quote: In a different situation, Marley might have seen the humor, but he needed that piece of parchment and it headed toward the fire.
This is a report, given by someone who is neither on the scene nor in the story. And it’s generic. Do I care that he “needed it,” if I don’t know why? That matters, because unless you make the reader care they won’t turn to page two. Think of it as a self-guiding hiking trail. When we come to a placard that says, “The Devil’s Tea Table,” we should either need no more to have the name have meaning, or read something on the sign that explains. And so it is with our writing. Context should be present in the reader’s mind before the line, or as part of it—but never afterward, because you can’t retroactively remove confusion.
quote: Once again the sheet eluded him, flipped up into the air and floated into the hearth.
Minor point: the word “up” is unneeded because it’s inherent to “flipped.” Watch out for little things. “Get up off of the bed,” can have two words trimmed and reduce to, “Get off the bed.” For more impact it could be: “Off the bed.” And if we know the person is on the bed when the line is spoken, and want lots of impact, it reduces to “Up!”
Fewer words = more impact.
quote: “The only line I remember is… A dragon’s heart from the heart of sorrow,” he said to the empty room.
In line with what I said above, this continues as a dispassionate outside observer’s reporting what they see. Since we don’t know what’s on the paper, why it matters, and how it could be replaced, we have no context. You do, of course, so it makes perfect sense. And you can hear the emotion in his voice because you have context as you read. But pity poor Jay. As we all know, his head is empty. So unless you give the words context through the character’s words/thoughts/actions, it remains empty. So if the reader is to be made to live the story, context isn’t just necessary, it’s everything.
Because your skill-set hasn’t yet been significantly widened, any attempt to make the work more character-centric and emotion-based by using your existing author-centric and fact-based skills can’t work, To fix a problem you must first know what makes it a problem, and why. And since you’re dealing with issues not touched in our school days…
Think about how much time your teachers sent on the structure of a scene, tag usage, and characterization issues, as against report and essay writing skills. We’re taught how to write in the various persons and tenses, yes, but how much time was spent on the tricks of viewpoint?
Admittedly, I want to school during the stone-age, but from then till my kids went to school, and now my grandchildren, no teacher even mentioned that the structure of a scene on the page differs drastically from one on the stage or screen because the differences in the medium mandate that. As an example, stage and video are aural and visual mediums, and information is received in parallel. But our medium reproduces neither sound nor picture, and everything must be given the reader serially. That has a huge effect on how we write. Try to make the reader know what can be seen and we spend so much time on detail that the story moves in slow motion.
Obviously, we have read stories that kept us on the edge of our seats, and which felt like we were living it in real time. So there are ways. But, of necessity, they require a very different methodology from telling a story personally, on stage, or by screenplay. After all, if we’re to write like a pro, doesn’t it make sense that we need to know what the pro knows?
This article is a small example, a technique you’ve probably not run into, but which has the power to place the reader into the story, living it moment-by-moment, as the protagonist. I especially like the technique because it forces you to view the scene as the protagonist does, with their biases, needs, and background. Try to make the protagonist do something the plot mandates, but that doesn’t fit them, and they'll say, “Hell no, I won’t do that. Someone else might, but not me." That forces you to make the situation one that will cause them to want to do what you need, and makes the writing more immediate and real. Without something like that, if you need the protagonist to notice something not obvious s/he obligingly gains IQ points as necessary. And when they need to miss something, those added points drain away. How real can the character seem doing that?
Keep writing, or course. But at the same time, dig into the tricks of the trade. One cheap and quick introduction to that body of craft is the audio files of Dwight Swain’s day-long workshops on writing and character-building: Dwight Swain, Master Writing Teacher. They’re currently $6 US on Amazon, and worth the money for the asides on publishers and writers—plus learning how to kill someone with a doorknob. And if they help kindle the fire for writing even brighter, try his book. It’s the best one I’ve found for the nuts and bolts issues.
Hope this helps.
Posts: 263 | Registered: Dec 2016
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
