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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Discussing Published Hooks & Books » Lowland Expedition original

   
Author Topic: Lowland Expedition original
robertq
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Hi all,

Here's the orginal:


Enna relished her flights in the spotting balloon.

She loved to see the Expedition train strung out across the Lowland’s arid plains, with its spindling-drawn wagons, the chains of servants and bearers, the gleaming coach that transported her father and his precious books, even the small flock of runner-birds. If the weather was fine the Philosophers themselves would walk, marching into the Lowland’s mysteries, arguing endlessly. The Lowland Expedition was a grand gesture of the civilization that spawned it---and it was brave too, for all the explorers knew that they could never go home again, whatever they discovered.

Down there was Tomm, one of the junior cartographers. Whenever Enna flew Tomm always wore a special red cap so she could pick

---Stephen Baxter, The Lowland Expedition, Analog, April 2006, p 60.

[ August 10, 2012, 12:51 AM: Message edited by: Kathleen Dalton Woodbury ]

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robertq
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The citation for this is
---Stephen Baxter, Lowland Expedition, Analog April 2006, p 58

(Got cut off formatting for 13 lines. Have asked Kathleen to move it to published hooks.)

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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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It was still longer than 13 lines.

Moving it now.

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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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Okay, here it is.

robertq, I think you should explain, in the topic where you did a rewrite of the above excerpt, what you were doing there (rewriting someone else's published 13 lines).

I also think you should post a link in that topic to this one, so people will know where to see the original.

The other possibility might be to post the original (as above) in the rewrite topic, so they are easier to compare, since that is what you want people to do--compare them.

Then this topic isn't necessary (and I can delete it for you).

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