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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Discussing Published Hooks & Books » Sight (first 13 lines. 15 if you count the subtitle)

   
Author Topic: Sight (first 13 lines. 15 if you count the subtitle)
Crashburn274
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In the Land of the Blind...

William Edward Carpenter was born, pronounced healthy, and sent home with his father and mother. If his parents felt anything unusual about him, they then paid it no mind. The baby's lungs were proof of his health. He exercised them without significant pause during every waking moment. James and Janet Carpenter complained of this to friends and family, but, because he was their first, no one believed the child's behavior unusual. “Babies cry,” they said, “did you try that pacifier I suggested?” It was only when William happened to be laid down very near a heater that his parents discovered something odd.
The Carpenter's heaters operate on the principle of electric resistance. In addition to heat, they radiate a small amount of red light. In this glow, for his first waking moment, the baby William stopped crying.


Thank you for looking at this! I wrote an introductory paragraph setting the stage, but when I decided this was a short story (11 300 words) rather than a novel, I cut it down to the subtitle presented here. Its not a style I've seen elsewhere, and I appreciate any advice you have regarding this choice.

[ February 25, 2013, 09:10 PM: Message edited by: Kathleen Dalton Woodbury ]

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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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Didn't count the subtitle, but it was still a paragraph over 13 lines.
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Robert Nowall
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Shouldn't this be in one of the Fragments and Feedback areas?
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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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Thank you, Robert. I didn't notice that.

I'll move it now.


Crashburn274, please look for your topic in the Fragments and Feedback for Short Works area.

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