Well, on Monday my endocrinologist and I decided to play with my brain chemistry. Yes, there is a perfectly valid reason to do this, I had a pre-existing, undiagnosed condition which once treated suddenly endowed me with the desire and ability to write. Hooray for me!
However, as with all people with some sort of disorder, once I was fully functional and happy for the first time in my life, I stopped taking the medication which in turn led to me losing the ability to write a story. Bummer for me!
For the past eighteen months we have been playing around with various doses of hormones: both male and female. Interestingly, as my levels of estrogen rose my propensity for sudden fits of anger and violence escalated. Double bummer for me! But, luckily I have enough self-control to not actually murder someone when they take my lollies.
The point is, I am returning to the initial medication I was on with the attendant side-effects I was trying to avoid this time round. It's not so bad--really!
I didn't expect the cocktail to have such an immediate effect, the last time it took about six months to re-wire my neural pathways, but after looking at what i've posted in the last couple of days I reckon I'm on a fast track.
So, if I post stuff that makes no sense, or less than usual, forgive me, I'm having a bad head day.
From a fellow traveler of the medication pathway who's unhealthily self-treated and been misdiagnosed and mistreated for so long it's a tragedy:
Writing and study, and reading, are my best medicines.
One medication disaster caused all kinds of social traumas, others too caused or contributed to later complications, though the one medication is a treatment for social anxiety conditions. The drug's reason for prescription was neuralgia with the hoped-for social anxiety treatment secondary. I became, though, excessively garrulous, even more than usual for moi, to the point my social ease was commented upon as alienating.
So, yeah, been there, done that. Now, though, I put my garrulity onto the page and use my insatiable hunger for writing and reading study as a healthier social coping strategy. Wordy on the page instead of wordy for monopolizing social interactions. I carry a notebook and free associate in it when a circumstance supports notetaking, instead of thinking aloud.
A net outcome of these activities is healthier social coping strategies.
By the way, not too long ago, I was a constantly curmudgeonly grump too. Now I keep my negativity, valid though the observations may be, confined to my thoughts or as valid if controversial critiques of typescripts, especially published works that exhibit lazy expression habits. One outlet for my at times needy though healthy negativity nature expression at least.
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