This is the opening of a book im writing titled the Talaxan Wars. Im new to this forum, so here goes nothin'... ---------------------------------------------
It had been ten years since the Final Invasion, and Reshep declared himself supreme ruler of the Talaxan Empire, setting his throne up in the ancient Babalonian city of Kutaph. Now only those of a Noble House could tuely anything, only those of the High Nobles could use the Jump Gates to travle the stars. The only other classes of people where pesants and slaves. The pesants tried as best they could to make a living in the smoldering planet that was once known as Earth.
This is just the inroduction, seeing as i dont know how the 13 line rule works. (okay im a bit slow.... )
[This message has been edited by talans fury (edited September 11, 2002).]
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
I'm I correct in that this is a Prologue? It can probably work as such, but if it's a chapter beginning, well, it needs to be a bit reworked. There is a whole lot of information being thrown at me. You might consider taking it slower so that the info-dump isn't so obvious. Try opening with an actual character and then working into the information. It more or less sounds like you're writing a history of your setting, not the story itself.
Hope that didn't sound harsh, because I'm sure there is a good story in there. It's interesting, just a little much.
Rahl
Posted by talans fury (Member # 1507) on :
No not harsh at all... I was aiming of a Robert Jordan WoT Style of opening, but your right. I seem to be having trouble getting that to mesh into the main part of the story.
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
Don't worry about Robert Jordan. Just write an effective and powerful story Posted by talans fury (Member # 1507) on :
)