I'm at nearly 40,000 words in the novel I've been working on for the past year or two, and I have completely lost confidence in my own ability to write anything worthwhile. The draft is very rough and nowhere near complete, but I'm putting a sneak peek out here to see if anyone is interested in taking on the enormous burden of reading what I've written. Maybe somebody else can point out what I can't see for myself.
He made a mock bow. “Welcome to the second half,” he said.
Selene just looked at him, confused. “The second half of what?”
Rathas took a step toward her. “Your life,” he said. “It can be very short, or very, very long... depending on how well you play the game.”
Selene took two stumbling steps backward. “What game?”
Rathas grinned wider. “Follow the leader,” he said.
“I don’t understand.”
“You will... believe me, you will.” Rathas closed his eyes, concentrating on something. Hair all over Selene’s body began to stand on end, and her skin started to tingle. The world suddenly felt like it was caving in somehow, and Rathas stood there, head bowed, drinking it into himself. Selene stood frozen, staring at him; and when he opened his eyes, they weren’t human anymore. Reflective amber irises flecked with orange filled his eyes, pushing out the white; and in the middle, huge round pupils stared at her hungrily. Rathas smiled again, and Selene screamed.
Shasta
[This message has been edited by DragynGide (edited December 27, 2002).]
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
Hi, Shasta, One quick observation: The segment you posted seems too cinematic. We need to get into Selene's head, hear what she's thinking. The reader needs a reason to care about her.
Posted by Hildy9595 (Member # 1489) on :
Shasta,
I'd be willing to take a look, if you'd like. Feel free to send to hildy9595@aol.com at your convenience.
Posted by DragynGide (Member # 1448) on :
The thirteen line limit isn't really enough to give a comprehensive look at a long work. Oddly enough, the vast majority of the book is all about being inside Selene's head. Here is another thirteen-line snippet, if I may be permitted, to give a more well-rounded idea of what you're in for if you decide you want to read this.
I should stop torturing myself, Selene thought. I’ll never find out what they were like. They’re gone. The thought raised another, deeper sense of betrayal in her. Why had they left her? What could make a parent abandon their baby? She’d seen talk shows that rendered similar parents as monsters, terming their abandoned children as “dumpster babies”. She’d seen one talk show about a woman who had given birth twice, leaving one baby to die in the bath tub in her home and the other in her car a year later, without ever feeding them or picking them up at all. It was horrifying. But Selene had been a full year old when her parents had abandoned her, and somehow she knew that they couldn’t be monsters like that. They must have cared for her. Wanted her. They must have been forced to leave by... something. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. Maybe they were dead. She didn’t know, could never know.
Still, Selene wished that someday, somehow, she could find them. She had hundreds of questions, and they, if they still existed, were the only ones who could possibly have the answers.
Shasta
[This message has been edited by DragynGide (edited December 28, 2002).]
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
I think that Kolona still has a point. You really need to start in the POV you intend to use, unless there is a specific reason not to do so.
I'd be interested in reading the first chapter (and the prologue, if there is one).
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
Ditto with the first chapter, Shasta.
Posted by DragynGide (Member # 1448) on :
Neither of the snippets I posted were from the beginning of the novel. I'll have to remember next time to post the beginning instead. I'll send you guys what you've asked for as soon as I get my stuff together. Thanks for the offers.
Shasta
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
Ahhg! I should have known when the opening line was “Welcome to the second half.” Posted by SiliGurl (Member # 922) on :
Hi! I'd be happy to take a look... It takes me awhile to both read and provide a substantial crit, so if you want to send me say the first 5,000 words of your novel (or wherever a natural break occurs around that word amount) I'd be happy to review it for you! Though I warn you, I'm quick with both positive feedback and constructive criticism! Just email me at jlcrews26@hotmail.com.
