Hatrack River Writers Workshop: The Philosopher's Story

This is topic The Philosopher's Story in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Penboy_np (Member # 1615) on :

I'm working on a piece and I've been told it's going pretty good. I'm pretty happy with what I've got so far so I'd like some feedback from some people who don't feel obliged to give positive things.

It's called 'The Philosopher's Story' (ala the topic title) and it's... It's not Science Fiction, it's definately not Fantisy Fiction and I feel plain old Fiction is simply too broad, so I'd like to put it in my own genre of 'Philosophical Fiction'.

As for the first 12ish lines here you go:

“It was burned three times, and each time a great number of priceless manuscripts were destroyed. The knowledge from countless great minds of the era was lost forever.” A man stood at the front of the lecture hall behind a microphoned podium, binder opened in front of him. Balding with a wispy comb over of grey hair, his face was old and wise, seeming to have been carved by the ages. Glancing at his notes and then at the mass of bodies through steel rimmed glasses, he watched the young minds scratching with their pens, desperately trying to catch his words.
“When Cesar invaded Egypt and burned their fleet, the fire spread to the city of Alexandria and to it’s great library located on the shore. As the fire raged, hundreds of scholars ran inside with carts, trying to save whatever they could before the entire building was consumed. But, there were too few of them to save more than the smallest fraction. Although personally, if I had to choose between saving my books and my life, I think I’d be running away from the fire.” The class gave a chuckle, and the professor smiled. Clearing his throat, he continued.

Side note: this is in no way representant of the whole story, I swear it's not this boring. *grins*

Word count is 5,500ish. (Consider it Chapter 1, it's really not that long, I swear!)

So... Any takers?

[This message has been edited by Penboy_np (edited April 07, 2003).]

Posted by Simon Kelly (Member # 1625) on :

5,500 doesn't seem like too much of a burden. Sign me up for a quick look see

paserexception@netscape.net

Kind regards

Simon

PS
What sort of commenting would you like? Style, content, spelling ??

Posted by nellievrolyk (Member # 1616) on :

I'm willing to have a look at the first chapter.

my e-mail address is in my profile.

Posted by Penboy_np (Member # 1615) on :

Primarily style and content. I'm pretty sure spelling and grammer are up to snuff so I'm mostly seeing how the piece sits with people.

If you like, let me know. If not, let me know why.

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

POV, POV, POV!

In case you're wondering, I'm kinda the POV nazi of Hatrack. I insist on strong POV writing.

If by "more interesting" you mean that the rest of the story is in a defined POV, then I'm up for a chapter.

Posted by Penboy_np (Member # 1615) on :

Definately a strong point of view. I'd like to hope I can weave a good story, too.

Posted by Fahrion Kryptov (Member # 1544) on :

Sounds spiffy... I wanna see. : )