Here's the first few lines of a short story (about 5500 words, according to MS Word). I think you would call it a modern fantasy; a woman in modern U.S. struggling with a magical ability (or at least an unexplained one). I'm going for slightly spooky (you'll have to tell me if I succeeded). If anyone's willing to give me some feedback, let me know so I can e-mail it to you. -----------------------------------------
“No matter what you do, nor how hard you try, the signs will come. We don’t always know when, we don’t always know why, but futures can’t be changed by you or I.” Marianne repeated the rhyme her grandmother had taught her so many years ago as she trudged through her morning ritual. Take a shower, start the breakfast, wake the children… Partway through her routine she walked to the foot of the driveway to collect the day’s newspaper. She walked slowly, postponing the horror she hoped she would not find today by every tiny half step she took. The driveway leading to her large New York suburban estate was long, which helped quite a bit more than her small footsteps, but all too soon she was there. The newspaper was almost always where it began. The newspaper nearly always contained the first signs. ----------------------------------------
Anyone interested?
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
I'm sorry....I just cut and pasted and didn't think about the formatting. There are supposed to be 4 short paragraphs not 1 long one. I hope you can still make it out.
Posted by SiliGurl (Member # 922) on :
Always willing to help... Bear with me though as I'm not often online. Should be able to give it a look this weekend (assuming I come up for air from HP 5).
jlcrews26@hotmail.com
Posted by nellievrolyk (Member # 1616) on :
your fragment catches my attention, so I'll be pleased to have a look at the rest.
e-mail address is in my profile.
Posted by GZ (Member # 1374) on :
I'm willing to give it a look. You've got my email.
Posted by Duncan Idaho (Member # 1659) on :
I'm a newborn on the forums, but I'd like to read your short story.
michaelu@email.byu.edu
Posted by gt2it (Member # 1632) on :
send it i'll take a look
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
I'll take a look at it.
Posted by Lord Darkstorm (Member # 1610) on :
If you need another pair of eyes I'll give it a shot.
thayes@medjet.com
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
Been away for a while, sorry to keep you guys hanging.
Thank you very much for your offers, but I have recently gone ahead and submitted this one for publication. Keep your fingers crossed I'll let you know how it works out!
Posted by Lord Darkstorm (Member # 1610) on :
Just out of curiosity, how long did you spend writing it?
Yes, I'm tring to determine if I'm slow or not.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
That's tough to estimate. I wrote two full drafts, one exploratory the other real. The exploratory draft took longer, even though it wasn't as good or complete. (I hadn't even worked out the ending yet.) I think it took me four or five hours worth of work. Then the rewrite took three or four, and I spent another couple hours on editing. (Mostly addressing comments made by my wonderful readers.)
Posted by Lord Darkstorm (Member # 1610) on :
Thanks. I have been working on a story and have about 3 weeks in it and only have about 8000 words.
Sigh, oh well, and I've just gotten started.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
I have an advantage that I can find long, continuous blocks of time to work on a story. Most people can only find a half hour here and there, and every time you get started again, you have to find your place.
There's nothing I can recommend about that, it's just part of being a writer who can not yet support him/herself from writing. But if you find yourself continually rewriting parts of your story, I can help.
Don't.
Just keep writing. Don't stop and fret over sentence structure or wording. Don't even stop and fret over minor plot points. Write it, from beginning to end. Then, when you know where you're going, rewrite it from beginning to end. The second time your plot issues should go away. As for wording and sentence structure, never linger too long on that aspect of your writing. There'a s thousand ways to write any one thing, and your first way is going to be the most natural sounding, even if it's not the most eloquent.
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
I'll beg to differ with you here, Christine. I've found that the first way to write something is usually the weakest -- the most prone to passive voice, grammatical errors, and -- depending on individual propensity -- either too flowery or too bare. To me, editing and rewriting are where the the writer becomes a true wordsmith.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
Ahhh...but do you want to be a wordsmith or a storyteller?
But I think I have misspoken. It is not that you should not go back through and fix your grammar errors, but continual rewriting tends to beat the life out of a piece. Some writers are more flowery, some are more bare, and that is your voice. Use it well. Going back through and rewriting can seem forced. Be who you are, don't force your work into some style you presuppose is how you are "supposed" to write.
Posted by Lord Darkstorm (Member # 1610) on :
For me, I have found that brushing up and revising what I have done after I have done it works well. I have a test reader or two who give me nice feedback on little problems like bordom. I've also discovered that after going over it a couple times and revising it I like it much better. Also I sometimes will kill off some sections that I realize could be done better.
Overall, I feel I need to be both a wordsmith and a storyteller. Since I can be a better storyteller if I can master being a wordsmith also.
I just like to get a reference to how my speed compares to other people. I read slower than other people, and just wanted to know if my writing tended to be slower also. It isn't a problem, just curiosity. I try to accept my limitations and work arround them.
But I do appreciate the advice. I'm still learning quite allot as I go, but I'll get there eventually.
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
A storyteller who isn't a wordsmith has a tougher row to hoe -- like a public speaker who isn't particularly articulate. As Cavett Robert wrote, "Words are magic. The person who masters the art of using them properly is the magician."
Of course there's a time the rewriting must end. I've heard of writers cringing over their published work, still wanting to change things. But if the rewritten work sounds forced, that means the time to end the rewriting hasn't been reached.
Sure, some writers are more flowery, some more bare (barer?), but I was referring to those who are too much either way. Rewriting will hone them both so their flowery or bare style will be more effective.
Too often, we writing apprentices hold out the style card as if it were garlic keeping a werewolf at bay, but there aren't too many writers who can get away with an ee cummings approach. Not to worry, though. Style will survive wordsmithery.
[This message has been edited by Kolona (edited July 19, 2003).]
